So hes depressed but can still go to work all day come home drink n give you shit? Sounds like alot of energy for someone with depression. I wouldnt wanna even hurt anyones feelings in my condition. he needs some intervention n help sounds abusive .

Hi Amanda. My advice is to make a phone call to your local women's resource center or shelter to see if they offer counseling services. A counselor can help you understand your fiances behavior. When he curses at you and threatens to kill you he is showing you who he really is. You don't deserve to be abused and that could be part of the reason for your depression.

Your fianc also has to deal with a substance abuse problem.

Abusers only get worse and abuse will get nice once you marry. I'm sorry that you are feeling bad right now and going through this. I am glad that you are seeking answers. To remain in this situation without resources, such as trained counselors means that you will stay depressed and the situation will get worse. So, again I urge you to call your women's center and tell them that he has threatened to kill you. A rational person doesn't do this. You may feel bonded to him at this point and can help yourself feel stronger to manage your life and relationships better. I know you can do it.

It was supposed to say that abuse will get worse, not nice. Sorry.

He is not only emotionally manipulative but has deep psychological issues; the fact that he has threatened your life should sound off alarms in your head...
You cannot force him to get help...get out of this situation now; your emotional & psychological well-being (and perhaps your life) is in serious jeopardy!

Love does not mean that you accept abusive behavior. Why is is your job if he will not seek help nor assume responsibilities? Offering to kill you is something of a red flag.
I hope you will re-evaluate your attachment to this man. Life is short, and he is making it clear who he is and what you can expect from him.
His behavior will get worse.
I hope you will visit the rooms here at DS where you would receive insight about your abusive partner and enhance your understanding.
This is a newspaper headline waiting to happen. Please put yourself first. I hope that you will.

YOu need to get away from this person. He is dangerous and your life may be in jeopardy. Please get help and find as soon as possible and find another place to live. You deserve better.

Wow, he threatens to kill you?

That's a deal breaker, girl.

You are under the trance.

You have designated this abusive child to be your everything. I say child respectfully. Because he has not grown older, mentally. The trouble with that is that when grown adults throw tantrums, they tend to be more dangerous than children.

I know it's hard to leave. But, you need to designate and get use to someone else. I wouldn't let a priest marry me if he threatened to kill me. And with alcohol, he looses his sense of judgment and empathy.

Look at it another way. If you knew someone killed your friend/family, would you feel he was innocent because he had depression. Depression doesn't give someone the right of passage to hurt another.

In my opinion, you need to tell him that, and if he doesn't change his behavior towards you, you need to leave. You're a doormat if you don't.

Here's another fact. This is the way your marriage is going to be. Marriage won't change this.

Unfortunately studies have shown that abusers rarely change their behavior. I would also caution against having a child because you and an innocent baby will be tied to an abusive alcoholic indefinitely unless you leave him safely.

I agree with everything Cypress said but if you're not willing to leave the man. I may be able to help you give him a sense of understanding...

Do you know what he experienced as a child?