Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I think I it's time for me to get back into therapy. I can't seem to control my emotions anymore like I've been able to for so long. I've lost control too many times in the last few months and I don't think I can do this on my own anymore. I've been holding too much in and letting it out when I go out and get too drunk. I can't seem to be able to drink without losing it by the end of the night and I don't like that. Things have just gotten to the point where it is too much for me to bear on my own. Too many changes in too short an amount of time and maybe I'm just having a hard time adjusting. I've never been like that before. I've always struggled with depression, but I've generally been able to manage just fine on my own. I went to a counselor a couple times after my break up in august, but I stopped going. Other than that I haven't been since I was 18 and I hard my first really bad mental breakdown. I've always been strong enough to pull through on my own, but now I feel weak and I can't do this anymore. I can't keep holding everything inside and trying to drink myself better. Don't get me wrong, I don't have an alcohol problem - I'm not drinking any more than I always have, it's just that now when I get drunk everything comes out and I say things I don't want the people around me to know because I let go of my inhibitions and let out what needs to come out. I've also been growing more and more apathetic and morose over the past number of months. I didn't think I would have a problem adjusting to a new city, province and school. I've moved before and never really had a problem. I've never had a hard time making friends, finding a job, or settling into a new place. These are things I've grown used to to be honest. But this time it's different and I don't know why. Sometimes I think I've made a mistake because I have been having such a hard time adjusting. I dunno. I really don't know what is wrong with me. But something is very wrong. I don't feel like myself anymore. I often feel completely somnambulistic, like I'm not really here, like I'm just watching my life from behind the glass. But at the same time I'm so sensitive to everything and I'm hurting much deeper and much more than ever before. I feel detached from everything except for my feelings, though in a strange way I feel painfully detached from them too. I can't really explain it. I feel like I am going crazy sometimes. I feel like I'm on this perpetual treadmill that will never go anywhere and just keeps me in this same unsatisfactory place. I feel like it doesn't matter what I do or where I get in life or how successful I might be or become because nothing will ever overcome this demon that I'm stuck with. I feel like it's all so pointless because no matter how well I do I will never be able to enjoy it properly. I don't know. I'm just rambling right now. There is so much going on inside me and I can't even put it into words. I can't explain how much I'm hurting and how comfused I am and how weak and lost and hopeless I feel. How insignificant life seems at times. I don't understand why this is happening and why I can't control it. I could always control it. I could always be stronger than the demon and lately I'm not and it's a horrible feeling. I feel inept. I gotta do something. But I don't even know where to go for help.
ElenaNJ
hi,i read your post, and since i've been diagnosed w/ depression for years, you have the symptoms, like feeling not in your life, like on stage, and mainly, hopeless. once i learned about how anti-depressants work, i learned that they pretty much make the chemicals in your brain what they are supposed to be at. then, you can see life more clearly, promblems won't go away but you..or i am better able to deal with themnk, calmer. like not screaming at people or crying or wanting to run away or in worst cases kill myself. getting on anti-depresesnt and recently anxiety meds help me be more in control, i learned that it's ok not to be superwoman and a perffectionist and to have my children's approval and to not be hurt when my ex-wouldn't care if i was dead or....you get the idea. i am smart and caring but i do have mental illness and i think i'll have it for the rest of my life, as long as others are dependent on me at least. oh yeah, counseling helps big time. it really does, my counselor is really good even though she's younger and i feel like i'm going to shed some lilght on how life may suck for her,....like when her own kids grow up. but she's insightful, from yale and at a clinic for the unisnsured or poor. have you been on antidepressants or to a counselor?
ElenaNJ
sorry, i just read the first line again, and it says your were in therapy. i think that is a good step or at least look into it. good luck.
SBoom
I already know I have a depression disorder. I was diagnosed when I was 18. I've consistently refused to take medication for it. I just don't believe it's right for me and I don't think that is going to change. I've been dealing with this since late grade school without meds, so I don't feel the need to start now. I don't know why things are so much harder right now than they usually are, but I hope that if I get back into therapy I can work through it and get back to being myself..
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