Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Here I am again. At night I think it would be a good time to end my life, in the dark and the quiet but I'm too scared to do it and that terrifies me that there is no escape from the pain. What the hell is wrong with me that I can't form any relationships with meaning or find any peace? Why am I so unfixable. I need more support from people who are kind and good in real life, relationships that aren't based on financial exchanges. But I can't get it. I try but nothing sticks.
it's scarey because there is a point with sadness and depression that you have to stop. it's just too much. if that happens to me there will be terrible consequences. Worst case scenario I guess is if I stop working/quit, retire or get fired and i am evicted and I can't deal with any of it, my stuff will be out on the street. I will get my purse and try to pack a bag and take my cat and me to a hotel. I'm not up for this. I'm too old and broken down for this much upheaval in my life right now.
Once (on this site, I believe) I read a quote, "You've survived 100% of the challenges you've faced". Sometimes when life is overwhelming I think about that quote. We are stronger than we think. You are going to be able to look back on this and say that you made it through. Even though it doesn't seem that way now.
Three years ago I got so stressed out with my job. I was in such a depression, and at such a low point, that when I looked upward is when I saw rock bottom. I was able to have my psychiatrist write me off for medical leave for a year, three months at a time. During that time I wrote lists or "flow charts" of worst case scenarios, and what my options were. At the end of the year, I just decided to retire early. Never spoke to my boss, never went back. Took a big cut in my pension, which won't even kick in for another four years. But I had to save myself.
One suggestion is to visit the website hud.gov. They have resources and links for individuals who are about to become homeless. Would you consider applying for disability? Is there a family member you might be able to stay with temporarily?
You are in my thoughts. Hang in there.
You have been in one job for 30 years which you have perceived to be secure. Nothing lasts forever. Public servants in my state are getting fired despite working there for 30 years. It is the state of the economy at the moment. The world is approaching the recession due to COVID. Loss of a job does not reflect on your failure or your capabilities as a worker. Everything is tough at the moment, millions of people are out of work and not just you alone.
I have worked in so many jobs in 30 years that I have lost count. I remember the global financial crisis, so many people out of work and I was financially secure working in the hospital system. I left the hospitals after nearly a decade of working overtimes, being stressed out, enduring bullying and harassment. People who work in the public service would stay there for a very long period, so they lose their sense of contentment and motivation, and this leads to bullying, friction and job dissatisfaction. What is important that you survive at the end. That is that matters.
Take courage and take a leap of faith and apply for new jobs now. If you need to send out a thousand applications to get an interview, so be it. The statistic is still in your favour because you are still working and has currency in the employment market. Instead of lying there and thinking of worse scenarios which may not happen, you must get out of your bed, pack your things and move home to Mom, and start applying for those jobs NOW,