i don’t know how I feel anymore. I’m angry, frustrated, lonely and sad every day then I’m just tired, tired of being sad and angry and frustrated and lonely and normal tired (my baby is 5 months and teething so not much good sleeping happening). I’m in a long term relationship with the father of my children but I don’t feel like partners, I feel like we’re enemies always trying to one up the other. I try talking to him about my feelings and trying to understand why he does what he does but because I’m not using my “happy” voice I must be whining and attacking him so he gets defensive and to me that just comes across as guilty so my thoughts run wild with what he could possibly be feeling guilty for. I feel like I have to put my emotions and feelings away if I’m to stay in this relationship. And god forbid I try explaining how I feel. It’s like I’m the only one who tries to work on the relationship. He just gets angry and leaves the house to have a smoke like conversation over because I’m tired of hearing you. I’m not chasing him anymore, I have two babies (granted one is almost 3yrs old) but unlike him I can’t just leave them to their own devices all the time. I honestly feel like he doesn’t even want to be a dad most of the time which just upsets me more. I dunno. I just feel lost in my own life like I don’t have one and don’t have a say in what would make me happy. I’ve changed a lot for him and yet he can’t stop playing games with me then tells me I’m the one playing the games. I just wish he would try to see things from my point of view for once. It’s like I’m done fighting I have nothing more to give him but can’t tell him anything because he doesn’t want to hear it and lives in a fantasy world where I’m apparently happy and nothing is wrong because he always seems surprised when I say something