I am in a similar situation as you do. I love what I do but I don’t interact with other people cuz it just seems like too much work. Maybe we can booth find ourselves a buddy to hang out with that doesn’t require much interaction. I have this friend who I hang out but don’t really talk with each other. I absolutely love her. It’s weird but whatever. Maybe you can get a dog? I can’t because I can’t afford one and the landlord won’t let me. But a loyal companion will for sure offer a lot of emotional support.

Btw I was thinking about taking medications until I saw this. I already feel numb inside. No need to make sure of it.

I am so sorry you are struggling. I am glad you reached out on this forum. Everyone understands the struggle of depression and is here to love and support you. Depression is an illness but it doesn't have to control our lives. I understand that the medication you are taking makes you feel numb. Have you talked to your doctor about that? The anti-depressants should be improving your chemical imbalance, not make you feel numb. Sometimes, it takes a while to find the right kind and dosage that works for you. Everyone is different. It took me over a year to find what worked best for me. Medication along won't provide the healing. Counseling is necessary to find the underlying cause for your depression. For me it took years to truly understand the pattern of behavior I kept doing that triggered my depression. First I had to change the way I thought about myself. Then gave myself breaks and wasn't so hard on myself. Are you going to counseling now? It sounds like you want to social and have friends, but are afraid of rejection. I think that is all of our fears. Start slowly, try seeing if there is someone you connect with at work and look in to meeting for coffee or lunch. I am so glad you enjoy your job. It is important for us to find things we are grateful for.

Also, pray for God to bring that person into your life. I just recently moved and have been working on making new friends. Through Church and some groups (like dancing which is an activity I enjoy), I am finding those I click with. I will be praying for you that you do find those connections and find a good friend you can be yourself with. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. I am hear for you. Hugs and Blessings!

Thank you all for the kind words. I have also learned that changing your mind set is key to escaping some of the emotion pain, I would try to say a positive prayer or mantra over and over in my head. I’ve been on so many different anti depressants and seen many therapists. Mostly I feel like Its a waste of time at therapy. I would love to find a therapist that actually could help me, but I don’t have top dollar for a decent one. I have learned to self comfort and cope. Not always in healthy ways. And pets do help a lot. I have good days and bad. I had my heartbroken recently, that has triggered this deep emotional pain, sadness and confusion. I am sad being alone but there is a comfort in the solitude. I have had thoughts of suicide but I would never do something like that to my family. Although I would love to be put out of my misery. If I never had to leave my house again, I probably wouldn’t. Im so tried of trying to hold it all together.

I am sorry you haven't found a good therapist or the right medication and dose. I take Wellbutrin. It seems to work well for me. It took me years to find the right combination of medication and therapy. Don't give up.

For me also surrounding myself with friends is important. Being alone is not good for someone who is depressed. Any thoughts of suicide is serious. Please seek help if you have those thoughts and not be alone. I am so sorry too you had your heart broken. That definitely can trigger depression.

I attend a church that has wonderful supportive groups. Most churches have those types of groups and often they can provide some type of counseling or lead you in the right direction.

Journaling also helps me get my thoughts down on paper and out of my mind. I pray often and know God is my source of strength I need. Depression is an tough illness but with support and help. You can feel better. I will be praying for you. Please do continue to reach out and share. We are here for you. Lots of Hugs!