I am sorry that you are in a struggle right now. t is really awesome that you expressed how you are feeling. I know that trying to fix it yourself can be daunting. When I was in the thick of it, I thought my partner was not empathizing too. When I talked with him, he was beside himself in knowing how to help me. And to be honest he was very tired. I was wearing him out and he really just needed some time to re-energize. So please do dont judge yourself on other people right now. People really do love you and care. Sometimes they care so much that they are hurting too. When we reach a point of not knowing how to help ourselves (this is totally normal by the way) we need to seek assistance from others that are not emotionally connected to us. You need to do this for you, to restore your confidence in your connection to others and for others to have a little distance so they can recoup and be present with you. You deserve to have a therapist or counselor guide you through this process that can have a non-biased, outside, fresh perspective on what you are going through. You will feel better. You will feel stronger. It isnt easy work, but you will be happier for doing it. Are you able to go to counseling? To search for counselors in your area? And are you open to taking this next step?

hey, if you shoot me a message ill give you my number and we can talk untill you feel that everything is okay again.

Unfortunately, illnesses take a toll on our loved ones. They don't know how to respond. They are our care givers and yet they haven't had any training in how to provide the care we need. There are times when my sorrow goes even deeper because I realize the burden I put on them. Realize that this disease we have, DEPRESSION, is hard on everyone around us, especially those that love us and want us to be well. When you close your eyes and go to sleep think of your partner and how they are handling the day and pray for their well-being, it will help you immensely.

@Perry314 I really appreciate your taking the time to reply to my post, and the actual reply itself. Knowing someone understands immediately takes some of the sadness out of my day.

To answer your question, I used to have a counselor that I could speak with. However, he left the clinic that I frequented, and I have no idea whereto. I'm a little uneasy about having to reacquaint myself with someone new, and have avoided renewing my health insurance because of this. I know I should take my health seriously and that I need to renew my health insurance, but I've been in such a rut that I can't bring myself to value myself, or to get up early and apply for insurance before I head off to work. Any little thing feels strenuous to me nowadays.

@Brexo I appreciate your kindness, but I do not like to text anyone on my phone that I haven't met in person.

My partner might feel odd if I suddenly start texting someone that they have not heard of, seeing as we live and work together and they know I don't have any friends at the moment.

I hope you understand. :(

@shuts Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your insight into what my partner might be dealing with or feeling. I know it must be hard, but I never think about HOW hard it truly must be. I guess I'm selfish in the sense that I'm so absorbed into what I'm feeling all the time that I don't take into consideration how it may affect anyone else.

Hopefully, I consider your advice in my roughest moments, and think about the affect I have on my partner, and pray for their health and sanity. I know I'm a handful, and I wouldn't want it to take an even deeper toll on my partner than it already has. ...I just wish I can erase all the trauma my depression has caused on my partner and our relationship.