Been here. Done this. Very hard to tango with a partner who will not dance. Have you tried anything?

Suggest you gussy up the girlie goodies, really set your mood, and then go after him like a cougar lady. It COULD work. . . .

Anyhow, that's what flashed for me, and you can take what you like, and leave the rest.

Have you tried talking to him? Does he know your feeling this way? Maybe he might be willing to help but doesn't really know that your feeling that way...

Talking things through is the best way to sort things out... Though, the other side should be as willing as you are.

Hope things will get better, but I'm definately sure your children look up to you as much as you look out for them.

Oh yes, he knows how I feel. I have communicated this to him numerous times. I have told him im tired of playing 3rd fiddle to his friends & business. His behavior never changes I have BEGGED him to pay attention to me, but nothing changes. Im just sick of it...

Yep, I think it's really common and natural in long-term marriages to go through those periods where you're not that interested and even wonder if you love your spouse. It's happened to me a few times.

What is bothering you the most? That HE isn't making you his #1 priority, or that YOU aren't all that interested anyway? If you're sad about his priorities and want more closeness, maybe you could find some activity that you both could do. Like, playing bridge with friends once a week. Or a date night -- dinner and a movie.

If it's that you're not really interested in spending time with him, then find something you can do for yourself when your youngest moves out. Some hobby, a class?

Or do both -- find an activity for both of you, and then something just for yourself.

Could you afford to go on a vacation (mini-vacation)? Maybe that's something you could plan to do together after March. Go someplace really different, don't visit relatives, just something fun for the two of you.

Anyway, I have found that for me, if I just hang in there during the "dry" spells and keep busy, life has a way of bringing my husband and I back together. I hope that happens for you. :-)

You posted at the same time I did. :-)

If you have begged him to pay more attention to you, then I think the best thing to do is to make a life for yourself. Meaning, focus on what you would do if you were single -- would you travel, would you take a class, start an exercise regimen? Not only will it make you happier to do something for yourself, but he will see that you're not sitting around waiting for him to do something.

I have this theory that if we nag (they may hear it as nagging, even if we're just "discussing"), it can create a lot of resistance and a feeling of being trapped. And it's really hard to get other people to change anyway; it's much easier to change ourselves.

So maybe try letting him go do what he wants, and you do what you want for awhile. Of course, with depression it may be hard to do that, but finding some activity would also help the depression. {{{hugs}}}

I have, because my husband is a bit of an arse. The advice the others here have given you is very wise.

Thank you all. He is a work-aholic. We have been married for 21 years & NEVER gone on vacation together, once as a family. We didnt even have a honeymoon. I have also begged him to take me somewhere, anywhere..He is just not interested, but will work on the weekends. He tells me all the time that he loves me, but I doubt it. We have had several discussions about spending more time together. He always promises we will, but never do. About once every 3 months, he will take me out to eat, but that's it. Im sorry, but I need more than that. I am tired of asking him to do things.

Wow; he makes mine look like a prince!