I have just found out that I may have cancer. I have accepted that God may call me to His kingdom soon. I fear that I will die alone, as my family is slowly being ripped away from me.
My oldest granddaughter, who is a cruel girl who hates me for no reason other than her deceased mother poisoning her against me, took custody of her four year old little sister when their mother died and made her say such awful things about me to get a restraining order against me and my husband for both of them so I could not see them any more. Then she started poisoning my middle granddaughter, who is her teenaged cousin, and her mental health went so terribly bad and she started hurting herself, drinking and spending time with people of bad influence. Then one day she went crazy and went to the police to claim horrible things about my son and his wife, and about me too! Now child services took her away from them and gave my oldest granddaughter custody! None of my granddaughters speak to me or my husband or my son any more and it is devastating. I believe she is a terrible influence on them, she has a bad lifestyle and has told them to turn their backs on their family who loves them. But I do still love her, and my other granddaughters, and it pains me to not see them.
I have my husband, but he spends more and more time away from me. My son and daughter-in-law are busy with the legal troubles brought up by his daughter. My grandson is busy getting ready for his sweetheart to have a baby I may never meet. All I have is God, and I pray to Him everyday that He will deliver my granddaughters back to me, that they will see sense and forget their cruelty.
It's hard to ask for encouragement but here I am. I've battled depression and anxiety for years. These past 2 years have been a really prolonged bad spell. Today is one of those days, I'm just tired. Tired of battling. And my mountain today? Just trying to make myself get to the grocery store. We need food in the house. I just want to want to live. For simple things to not be monumental tasks...
There really is no reason for me to be here. I was a mistake from the beginning. I have told family members (since I have no one else) that I want to kill myself,and the response was to ignore it,and stay away from me. My mom told me "I'm hard to be around". I'm out in the middle of nowhere,living with my parents,and I'm 53 years old! My sister just dumped me..because I was sad. So I'm...