I think you have found one of the tools to help you cope...this site.
Keep posting...

See a Dr. Are you on antidepressants? If you find the right one they can be very helpful...If you are on them...I think maybe it is not the right one...

Helping others...volunteering....getting out of myself...helps too.

There are grieving groups in some areas...maybe research that too?

I'm new to this site as well and I find it very helpful. You have people experiencing the same thing u are who actually cares. I think you should go talk to someone and get on the right meds. I'm going through depression myself and we just have to keep faith in God and keep moving. God bless you

http://ptsd.about.com/od/mindfulness/

I am a big believer in getting therapy to get to the root of your issues. A good therapist can help you find coping methods that work for you, they can also help you identify coping methods that will NOT work for you!

Gentle hugs

Thank you all very much. No, I'm not on meds. Have mixed feelings about them. I did go to counseling - several different times. I tried individual and group settings. I just couldn't do he work. It was so hard. I have thought about going again ... just have to get past the first step.

This was the first step..now one foot in front of the other...keep going..don't go backwards.

.I really think meds will help if only for a little while

I was always AGAINST them...but honestly...I found one that keeps me level.

About 6 years ago, my oldest daughter suffered from post-partum depression after her twins were born. The clinic she went to put her on anti-depressants - can't remember the names of the two she started with. Gave her a month's supply. After a week or so, she went back and they decided to change her to two different ones - and gave her a month's supply. About a week later, she took a cup and poured all of them in ... along with every other OTC pill she had in the house ... and drank it. She spent 5 days in a coma. She survived, thank God, but it has definitely colored my opinion of meds.

Need,

Wow, that is a very sad story about your daughter. That sounds like very bad practice on the part of the doctors. I can really understand your reluctance to use meds.

You have made the first step, like Missy said. The next step is to get a full evaluation (emotional and physical).

The step after that is very likely to be therapy. You get to control the use of meds; given your experiences with your daughter I can understand it if you give them a huge NO if they suggest it. You have that right!

Continuing hugs

Can't stress enough the importance of physical exercise...and getting a good, DEEP night's sleep, where maybe you'll "run into" your husband in a dream! Is this what you're afraid of? Some unresolved issues there? Feelings of guilt? I don't know what your relationship with your husband was like, but we ALL feel a measure of guilt when our loved ones cross over to the other side, a feeling that we could've done more, maybe done something to prevent their death.

Not to fear. All is forgiven on the other side. There's only love and peace.

There is a Bereavement board here that is more grief-specific as far as grief as the cause of depression that might be of more help.