Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I've become very unimportant to extended family and it hurts. My brother's step daughter, K, flew in with her husband and baby for a few days. I never met the baby. She had time to visit everyone. She even brought him to the mall. I called her. But my visit never happened. This is a pattern. Over a year ago, I signed to be a volunteer at a new shelter. Her mom, my brother's wife, AFTER I signed up, applied to be the person in charge of the volunteers. I never got called. And I handed my paperwork right to her. My step niece and I used to work together and do craft shows together. She used to tell me I was not only her aunt but one of her best friends. When she took another job within our organization, she would come crying to me because two of her co workers were nasty to her. When she announced her engagement, many of our co workers assumed I was in the wedding party..I hadn't been asked but I figured they knew something I didn't. I was never asked. She asked the two woman that were nasty to her. Everyone stared at me at the bridal shower....like I must have done something horrible to her or something. Then there's my husband's siblings. I had a birthday last month. His brother and family in Maryland have ignored my birthday for the last two years. They get Greg really expensive running gear every year....I don't get a card or even a phone call. His other brother's wife texted me and said " don't think we didn't get you anything, we just haven't put it in the mail yet." Bull!!!! Over a month and still no time to get to a post office? And I know she only texted me because I posted on FB that I was hurt that extended family didn't seem to remember me one day a year. And his sister sent two stretchy bracelets made with plastic beads. I MAKE jewelry. I sell that kind of stuff for $1.00. It's like sending Avon to an Avon rep. I know this will sound petty to some people. I'm not looking for gifts, even though we always send all his siblings gifts and cards. But how difficult could it be to remember me one day a year....I've lost so many people and this would mean so much to me. One of these days I'm going to be unable to hold my tongue any longer. I have spoken at length to my husband about his family....he won't do anything. And now is definitely not the time to speak with my brother about how his family had hurt me. I actually thought I put that behind me. But this current non-visit brought it all back. I feel so unloved, unimportant, and invisible...and I'm thankful I can put it all out here, and not be judged.
After that my aunt didn't call me for a month and 1/2. We previously talked three times a week. I finally told her I know you're not calling me back because of what happened in Florida and she denied it but I know the truth. Basically, at this point I let my aunt call me and I don't bother to call her because when I do, she doesn't listen.
Families can be so awful when they do this kind of thing to each other. I apologize if my story is a bit long I just wanted to illustrate that I completely understand. And my aunt is not the only one.
I wish I had a solution to provide for you. To be honest, I was really blunt about it. I didn't curse or yell. I told my aunt it's because of what happened in Florida that you don't talk to me and it's not fair. Very slowly she started to talk to me again but not at the frequency as before. It's not worth it to get upset over these people. I would delete them on Facebook and either call them to tell them how you feel or send out an email. I think being up front and challenging people and their behavior is the only way that you'll feel better and they may or may not change. But at least you did everything you could do.
That is my suggestion. You may decide to go a different way but it's worth considering. Again I'm very sorry they are so horrible to you and I really do understand. Are there other family members that you can connect with that will not treat you this way? If not, you have to look outside bloodlines to find true family. My true family are people that I am not related to at all. As one of my favorite TV characters (Bobby on Supernatural) once said - family don't end with blood. :-)
It's one thing I'm glad I no longer have.
I think the only thing to do is get zen, which is to say, fill up your life with only those people who you find, yourself, in your own way. That you have chosen to be friends. This is what I'm doing, I have friends who are my personal friends, and anybody else is just some kind of acquaintance.
Don't be too available at work: you didn't get invited to the wedding because you knew too much and girly was scared you'd blab. The mean girls got invited to sweeten them up. Your step-niece was playing politics and telling you what you wanted to hear at the time - which is manipulative and dishonest.
It sounds to me like your family operates in a common manipulative way. Where relationships aren't open, they are transactional. I recommend you make your friends outside the family and just carry on trucking. When they become less important to you (by virtue of your life being full of other things) they will have less power over how you feel.
I spent a long time being hurt by inlaws and by siblings. Nowadays I expect absolutely nothing from them and don't notice when I get it. Recently a sister took me to and from hospital and bought me iceblocks for the sore throat and I was very happy because she'd done this for me. - So when you expect nowt, you find yourself occasionally delighted.
I know you know this and I doubt it would've helped me. But maybe saying it helps. These people are busy and don't prioritise you. It's not personal, but it can be taken personally. They're just solopsistic: in their bubble. I would say you're lucky to be outside the bubble, because you won't get used up like a tube of toothpaste. People like that are usually exhausting.