I have an enormity of feelings: good bad and the ugly!  I have been working long and hard at my new positive path. “get over, get through, work on, learn, keep trying”, you name the quote I’ve tried it and or working it! Self help, and partners with God. 

However, all that doesn’t keep the “boogie man” from coming back. 

I feel so done, I don’t know what to do. Nothing is good, nothing is horrible, I’m stuck in the middle there somewhere. I’m tired of always having to be trying. My world/life got, shattered, changed, broke, tossed out, ....shoulder and brain surgery, loss of physical and mental abilities for which no one believed or supported me for the first 3 years. husband has emotional affair, says he no longer wants me or to have to keep dealing with me anymore. I get a new therapist and get to learn about some kind of ptsd, from childhood neglect and teen abuse, and how that affected my learning growing up, on top of having ADD, and BP. I had to have radiation treatments end of last year to stop the tumor in my head from growing anymore. I still have been having to live with my husband, cuz of my health stuff, being on disability, have nothing other than “stuff” of my own. My brain doesn’t work like it use to, my husband thinks we should be friends, been living the roommate route for a year now. I’m trying to find a house for me to live in. Want to start the separation process and he says, “I’ll see what I can do” like he has all say. Calling lawyer on Monday. Plus I’ve been psychological testing done, so we can see exactly what my brain is capable of. Long tests, and btw I’m getting tired of confusing the docs with my test results. Blood, physical and psychology wise. Yep got another one stumped on Friday. Why I’m not in the looney bin, is a shear miracle.

i want to be done!!