You have to do what is best for you.

Are you willing to be up front with her and tell her that you really don't like being put down by a friend?

It's really important that you are up front with your feelings and how she makes you feel with her words. I am going through something very similar and in a way, I'm still trying to break off the friendship. In a lot of ways it's an unhealthy friendship and causes me a lot of stress. I guess I'm not the best one to respond when I can't even follow my own advice. I just want to say that you come first, your feelings count for a lot, and if this person can't learn to respect you, it's time for them to start walking. Hugs GB

First, I would like to say that I think you are making the best decision about remaining close to her. True friends don't treat their friends badly, so I don't think that she ever really was your true friend. If you felt you had to stand up to her and defend yourself, then that means she wasn't being understanding and compassionate for you and your feelings. That is what friends are supposed to do! Friends are supposed to be there in kindness and love, not bullying and control.

Second, I think that you are very wise in realizing this and very strong for taking the necessary steps to end the relationship on good terms. Don't wait until you have a knock-down drag-out fight with her before quitting the relationship.

Just tell her the truth about why you can no longer associate with her, and even if she keeps telling you that she will do better, beware, because people don't change. She is who she is, and you know her all too well. You owe it to yourself to be happy in your friendships with people.

I am certain you will feel a sense of relief once the sadness of losing her has passed. You will always remember her, but try to remember the good times you had together. Those are good memories, but that doesn't mean they didn't have a cost.

You will make new friends throughout your life, and hopefully, they will realize the good friend that they have in you. May God bless you accordingly.

~ Karen ~

This is a very difficult situation to be in and I am proud of you for making the decision that is best for you.

I have been in this situation myself. It comes down to making the decision that will help you move forward in the most positive fashion. Only bring forward in your life the people that help you in a positive way..that provide you with love, care, and support. Forget the rest..they are not your true friends. They are there for what YOU can provide for them.

Best wishes in your improved future!

Hi everyone,
Thank you for the comments and the encouragement!! Habit is proving to be one of the hard things to deal with: I think of things to say to her, but I am trying to hold myself back from texting, etc.

I have told her in subtle ways ("you should be nicer to me" or when she said someone called her mean, I kind of agreed that she sometimes is). I don't know how to be "upfront" with her without risking burning a bridge.

I also am afraid that it's "part of her personality." I don't think I'm the only one she is this way to.... so I guess it's a risk to talk to her upfront. It's a risk because she could choose to just be angry with me, etc./not ready to hear or deal with this.

I know in the past, I've been drifted away from when I was making mistakes and I so wish the people in my life had told me instead of leaving. I understand their fears, but I know I would have been receptive.

I guess the tables are flipped now.

If the opportunity comes up to talk to her about this, and I feel she is receptive, maybe I will mention it. The thing is she isn't open enough with me to allow me to give her advice etc.

"Have you had to cut ties with/drift from someone that just wasn't "good" for you? "

Twenty plus years ago I was close friends with a coworker. She was smart, funny, and had way more confidence than I had at the time. Back then I'd put up with people putting me down and criticizing me because I felt I deserved it.

Fast forward to a month ago. I hadn't heard from this girl for 20 years and she finds me online so we started emailing long letters to catch up on our lives.

Each of her emails came across snarky, mean, clearly a putdown. She made a mention that I hadn't really changed, which got me thinking that she hadn't either.

I'm not going to waste my time defending myself to her or calling her on her depressing ways so I stopped replying.

I no longer put up with drama queens or mean people. Life is too short and I don't deserve that crap. Neither do you.

I was in the same position a couple years ago. My best friend, we were inseparable; same name, same interests, everything. Her dad got a brain tumor and eventually passed but when he got sick she got on the wrong path. She started hanging out with the "bad" kids. She herself never did any drugs or anything that I know of, but her boyfriend that she had for the longest time smoked pot. I put up with it because I loved my friend and tried to support her as much as I could. She ruined every relationship I had(friendship or romantic) and was never there for me when I needed her like I was there for her. I hadn't realised this though until much later. I found out her BF was doing meth and that was the last straw because she was okay with it and that bugged me. I cut ties with her and all of her family. It was VERY hard and I still get sad because she was my only real friend. It took me 2 years to be able to fully function without thinking about her almost constantly. I reconnected with her after finding out she had a different BF but she was just the same, irresponsible and not there for me and didn't even try to get out friendship back. I haven't talked to her in a year and I'm sad I don't have a close friend but glad because she wasn't the kind of friend I need. Stay strong, people that aren't supportive and put you down are NOT people we need in our lives! You'll find a friend to replace her who will be better :)

Hi DSmom, you are very strong and I am proud of you!! I said I have never made a *decision* like this one, but I have had friendships that ended without necessarily deciding to end them. One was similar to this one. A friend who would put me down and use me for company (third wheel) all the time when she wasn't willing to pay back the favour! This is of course one small example.

But I think you made a good decision, and it's making me think what I am doing in this case is good as well. Yesterday I got a message to hang out and when I said no, because I was busy (I really was... I have work and exams coming up and my moods make me unproductive often) the response was "pft ok" ... So I definitely think I made the right decision.

Bunnybear, that sounds tough. Some people just aren't willing to make a leap for us I guess. And that's their problem.... You can make new friends, you need to let her go and realize that she didn't care about you. :)

I'm usually one of though sarcastic pricks that doesn't mean any harm-I guess it was the way I was brought up. Depending on the psych. nature of the person ur dealing with(which you never really know) it could be harmful. Ther old friends, have they ever been supportive? I just mention this 'cause of the like "old boy network" kind of shit....don't know what i'm trying to say. Peeps lives change every day emotionally and for stretches

I'm old kinda-55. My kid's 20. that's all