Hormonal changes that effect desire are common for both of you at your age. Be glad you are in a relationship where you can still discuss things. It beats being alone as I am. I faced the same thing with diminishing ability to do my woodworking hobby. I tried and found new interests. Over the years I like to bicycle almost daily, weather permitting. Perhaps this is the time to start an activity you can both enjoy, it may add some spark to your lives. Wishing you the best.

I’m five years older than my boyfriend and he has little to no interest in sex. It’s hard to not take it personally. If he did not love me he would probably not be with me. Talking about it has also proven to be difficult as it is for you. Feelings of inadequacy for both. It’s a hard one.

Hey, here's my 10c: Forget about the future episode. Be like her; you won't do it unless both of you are back where you should be. Just listen to her and carry on loving her - that's what's most important. It would probably be a good idea to see a sex therapist because the reasons for it may go beyond her hysterctomy.

Here's my 5c worth: Her hysterectomy has removed her ability to bear young - she is no longer fertile. She is in the process of grieving over this loss; this change to her identity. 'Grief depresses sexual feeling' according to Dr. Miriam Stoppard in her book 'The Magic of Sex

Go back to holding hands; go back to your courtship days. Sex is on pause for the foreseeable future. Do not pressure her. You may get an episode every now and again but you'll not be getting 'her;'

Getting old really stinks, especially when your body gives out quicker than you like it to. I'm sure your wife feels the same way. Let me ask you this...if your wife had gotten in a car accident and was paralyzed from the belly-button down and could no longer have sex, would you feel as dejected as you do now? The things that are going on inside her body are similar to the things that are going on in your knees. They just can't allow her to do the things she used to be able and willing to do. So, her mind doesn't allow her body to do them. She is not necessarily rejecting you. She is just getting to a stage in her life that is different. But remember, you married her for other things than sex. You married her because you loved her and you committed to a lifetime of companionship with her...whether she lost the use of her legs or had a hysterectomy and subsequently lost her sex drive. No one likes getting old, but it is something that happens to all of us (if we are lucky). Enjoy the things you can. Seek new, less physical hobbies. Hold hands with your wife. Love her unconditionally. These last few decades can be really great if you allow them to be.

Thabks Robotnic, but I have tied most of that and as far as "pressure" I tried that to except for some quips I used as a pressure relief valve. But now well why shouln't I pressure her? She's not some young virgin she'a woman married 32 years who has become half a wife. The way she's handled this, the coldness the continued rejecvtion after pouring my heart out hurts even worse than the lonleyness itself. She'd never consent to counseling but I may go to see if I can save my mental health. She's an avoider, if I hadn't brought this up and pressured her she'd of never discussed it at all. Somewhere inside she knows I don't deserve this . I let this happen by trying to be nice and not pressure

Thanks stay strong but I don't know how much more patient I can be. How many spouses would have been this patient and remained sane? I pushed for sex on vacation and then the woman called me obsessed! . Obsessed because we hadn't had sex in several YEARS! But then we did and I'm hoping for some carry over.I love her and I know this isn't really her, in a sense it's those walls she puts up. I don't believe I've ever not been there for her when she needed me but still the emotional walls go up. After 35 years I still pay for the sins of others..That's a huge part of this and a huge part of why I still have hope. Hope that somehow she'll find herself in those self imposed walls and come back out. I tried to "go in and get her" and the scars may never fully heal.
I've seen her in this "shell" as I call it before. I've helped her out of it . Emotional blocking walls, It hasn't been over this issue , but the walls have been there and the thing is guess who ALWAYS is happier when the walls come down? They don't protect her , they isolate her.
If I didn't love the heck right out of here I wouldn't still be trying to make thimgs better

Maybe you just need to reignite that spark. Find something you both can do that you both enjoy. For your sanity too. It might not lead to the bedroom but at least it will be something you two do together.

I understand what it is like to be in physical pain. many years ago I was in a serious car accident. As a result, over the years, I have had issues come up that i had to deal with. For me, the physical pain and not knowing what to do was a major key to my depression at that time.

I don't know if they have suggested surgery for your knees, but I have had both done and would do it again in a heartbeat. If you have a good orthopedic surgeon you will be so glad you took that step. It makes all the difference in the world.

Taking a step to regaining more mobility and ability to pursue those active hobbies may be a step toward beating down the old depression. ... as well as a step toward other changes. Best wishes.

Both kness are shot and the only surgical option is teo replacements.I know I need them but ... well there's the job and other concerns about how it would work. You obviously did well? How do you move on uneven ground ( like the woods) as I like to spend time outdoors

I had both replaced (but not at the same time (several years apart) i know several people who have had both done at the same time. Honestly, I spend most time on level ground, but am fine on uneven ground and hills now (something which hurt like hell before the surgery as everything was shifting....bone against bone)

As far as the job....if you have AFLAC or if not FMLA will cover a 12 week leave . (That would be enough time for recovery and physical therapy)
I myself am like Humpty Dumpty and i do look to my ortho guy to put me back together. I have been very blessed to have a great doctor who always has the magic wand in tow. (My only complaint is last time I was in i did request a 25 year old size 6 body.... he laughed and said "Sorry, they're on back order". lol )

Don’t ‘stow’ your feelings. Express them so you don’t explode or worse, give up hope. This site has really helped me, not just through venting but seeing others going through similar problems in their lives. I even started writing a book (my life) just to 1; see if I could 2; take out various memories to learn more about myself and 3; to focus my emotions so I can talk with my wife (LL=love of my life) on a higher leval of clarity. Getting it out and then being able to read it on different days when I’m struggling or even days that are good has been better than a therapist. And a lot cheaper! It’s also a good mind exercise and sometimes a needed distraction (got rid of cable). And the best part is it spares all of you from my long winded thoughts! I suffered a bad fall at work seven months ago that did some ‘structural ‘ damage including my knees. So I can relate. I have been an athlete all my life and an avid outdoorsman. (climbed many of the country’s highest mountains)” so the sudden inability to kneel and pain walking has been terrible. Luckily my fractured pelvis has healed more or less completely and my rt knee is coming along with pt. Left one will need surgery but I’m going to wait until I can’t. In the meantime I have been able to walk and even some light hiking but I pay for it with pain. To me it’s worth it. I have the need to stay fit. Walking in sand and swimming is the best exercise with minimal pain for me. (don’ know if you read any of my ramblings so, briefly;) I see now the time I’ve been ‘given ‘ as a blessing despite the pain because I have learned quite a bit about myself and my marriage that I wouldn’t have. And quit drinking because it was depressing me. Ironically my libido has increased which has led to opening up conversations with LL that we have avoided pretty much our entire marriage of 25 years. The other irony is this is the year she’s starting menopause. So I am ready to ‘go’ more than ever as my heart is lifting and her libido is nill. Again another blessing. The timing isn’t a coincidence (I tell myself) because the way I see it we needed to learn how to talk about our desires and hopes. And while I need sex I am finding I need intimacy with LL more. This we are creating by opening up to eachother. I have never felt closer to her or had more hope for our marriage. So my lesson is ; the more love I am generating in myself the more it’s coming back. Just in an unexpected but equally pleasant way. And ,down the road,will pave the way to a healthy sex life. I think. That’s how it feels anyway. The cuddling has never felt more welcome and it’s lowering her ‘walls’. Patience and compassion are making me a better person and a better husband. So what else can I do? The loneliness I’ve felt all these years I mostly created. Yes she’s been affectionatly distant but I was letting myself believe it was my fault. Now that I understand it wasn’t, (through talking) I feel a lot of my emotional pain evaporating. I hope some of this helps. As you can see, I ramble. What I am trying to get at is that in seeking a sexual marriage, I am finding, instead, a more meaningful one. Where sex would be great, just not as important as I thought. Trust me, I want to get laid too. I guess I found a way to wait without ‘losing it’ ! PS is your wife open to being massaged? It’s helped LL to let me in by gently melting that wall. And the intimacy feels great. I rub her feet almost every night and the consistency is healing both of us. Re building her trust in me too. Wish you the best.