Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hey guys. I have recently lost a friend from my depression. The same friend who helped me the first time around when I went into a spiral and thought it was better to be alone than to depend on anyone, because no one really like me anyway. Couldn't take round two and is angry and is treating my episode as a personal attack. I have already told her that there are time I dislike myself so intensely that I cannot believe that anyone wants to be friends with me. She says I make excuses, but I never change. That all I do is dump on her and she doesn't deserve it. Which makes me angry, because I've said int he past that I was worried that I was depending too much on her, and she siad i wasn't. I t is frustrating because even when things were "good" between us and I felt okay she would never answer her phone or go out. She never has the time. She odes have two kids, one of them very young, but calling instead of texting is not that difficult. It often felt that unless I was in crisis she didn't want to speak to me. Now I'm wondering if I was forcing her into a friendship, because she felt guilty about leaving me like that. If it was going to end than I decided to let something off my chest about some things I had seen going on with her that had worried me, but i never told her for fear it would anger her and she would decide not to speak to me. I knew, even as I did it, that I I was being an idiot. Still, I meant what I said
So now she will not talk to me, only texts me back angrily when I try to communicate and I'm actually growing really angry; because I had been trying to change my behavior and trying to be more giving as a friend (helping her watch her daughter as she moved, helping her with issues that she had with her son's school). So if she is done with me; I feel I am done with her. I am tired of saying sorry, because frankly I feel like my entire life is an apology that just wont end. I tried to be better, but obviously I still suck.
So now I come to the point were I have 'friends,' but not anyone who is really close to me. I feel like I can't seem to break the gap into real friendship, because when I do my friends will see me for who I really am (much like my previous friend) and leave me. In my childhood I was always the backup friend. That friends you call on when your real besties are busy.
Gah, all this experience has done is reinforce the fact that I am so messed up that anyone that gets to know me will run away.
So now she will not talk to me, only texts me back angrily when I try to communicate and I'm actually growing really angry; because I had been trying to change my behavior and trying to be more giving as a friend (helping her watch her daughter as she moved, helping her with issues that she had with her son's school). So if she is done with me; I feel I am done with her. I am tired of saying sorry, because frankly I feel like my entire life is an apology that just wont end. I tried to be better, but obviously I still suck.
So now I come to the point were I have 'friends,' but not anyone who is really close to me. I feel like I can't seem to break the gap into real friendship, because when I do my friends will see me for who I really am (much like my previous friend) and leave me. In my childhood I was always the backup friend. That friends you call on when your real besties are busy.
Gah, all this experience has done is reinforce the fact that I am so messed up that anyone that gets to know me will run away.
I''m hoping today will be a better day though; I managed to sleep, which when I can't really just drives the anxiety which feeds into the depression more.
I'm trying not to be too alone, its strange because I am an introvert; I can enjoy quiet and solitude but when I'm like tihs I feel like a big baby needing constant assurances.
Thank you both again. It does help to know that I am not the only one feeling like this.
Sometimes when you let your friends run free they get run over by cars or someone else captures them and they have a new home. I have lost a few friends to the new-re-homing thingy.....
Friendship is complicated and takes a great deal out of you if there are communication problems, if the other party doesn't know how to deal with whatever you are going through, etc.
I too was the backup friend, until I got older and started going to college. That was in my 30's. When I was younger, my friends would bully me, abuse me, and use me. It was quite devastating. Do I allow that now? No, NO, NO... I am worthy to be a good friend to someone and I am there for them when they need me. But at the same time, I don't suffocate them.Please stop apologizing. That must get really old!! You mentioned all the things that you did for your friend and her son. That was very kind of you to do it. But, remember, not everyone pays it forward. So do things for your friends because you want to, not because you may get something back. Not all people think that way. I'm going to close this with a few quotes that I hope you can think about and will help with your decisions and relationship with your friend. This friendship is walking on thin ice. You need to ask yourself if you are willing to fall through?
! True friends are the ones that have something 'Nice" to say behind your back.
2. Don't change so people will like you
Be yourself and the right people will love you.
3. The longest distance between 2 people is misunderstanding.
4. Trust someone who can see these 3 things in you
The sorrow behind your smile
The love behind your anger
The reason behind your silence.
Hugs GB
My friends were unbelievable. I can't even tell you how much they did for me. Even so. As much as they love me, they were not of course as emotionally invested in my problems as I was-especially the demise of my marriage. There came a time when they didnt want to listen to it anymore. They felt it was time for me to move on. Did they tell me this? No, but I could tell. And it was perfectly understandable.
As much as they care for me, they really have no concept of all about depression. The idea of someone not being able to get out of bed seems ridiculous to them, as it does to most people who dont and cant understand depression. I know that and I dont hold it against them.
So what dd I do? For one thing I came here. I also go to therapy once a week. I also have an online journal in which I scream and rant and rave and cuss as much as I want or need. It's for my eyes only and it is an excellent tool for venting.
Like you I always feel like the second or last choice. I sometimes feel invisible. I realize they may not view me like that, though. I accepted it's ok for me to feel tat way. Sometimes I withdraw and I dont want to go out and play with them. And it's ok.
People will always let you down. doesnt matter who it is, a person will always let you down. Because they are human. I had to learn to not assume that everything was about me or directed at me. sometimes, I'm just not on their radar. They do have their own lives to lead. And that's ok.
I have different groups of friends. What I say and share with one group is not necessarily watt I say to another group. But each group serves its purpose in my life. Even so, when push comes to shove there is not anyone who wont let you down at one time or another. Its just the way life is, which is no help I know.
Try and restructure your life and how you relate to your friends. If you can, save the depressive stuff and vent it here. My friends ask how I am, and I always say fine. And then we go out and have fun.
How are you doing today? Are things feeling better? You are in my thoughts. Hugs GB