Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I've really taken into meditation, it's honestly the only time that I can just calm my mind, let it drift freely, open doors that need to be opened. For me it has become a coping method with depression, stress and everything else, but more importantly it has changed me, or rather changing me.
I started to practice meditation when I was doing drugs, it was a way to calm my mind if I was panicking or was in a manic state. I did it naturally, without prior knowledge of the subject, and haha let me say that it would pass for proper meditation one bit. But during those times I would shut the world out for a period of time, and focus on me. Focus on the problems that I was having, the paranoias, just everything. But being that it was during a drug fueled time it was unrefined, and much to broad about silly things that didn't matter.
But now as I'm writing this I have been clean for almost two months, and am still practicing meditation. It is my door to calmness, to being strong mentally, and what I believe is the doorway to zazen. I believe that zazen is still out of reach from me, but that is my goal. For those who don't know, zazen is a form of meditation. It is the art of doing nothing, in fact if you are trying to do nothing or think of nothing then you are not doing zazen. We as humans always try to be doing something, or thinking many things, or forgetting them for that matter. But zazen is total awareness of you, your surroundings, your position on life, love, virtually it is your awareness of everything-- or at least that is what I believe, and that it what I want to achieve. For those of you who are suffering from depression, I've been there, I'm in it right now. Writing about things help me, motivates me to keep pushing through. I have the anxiety and the paranoia, its straining me to no end, and honestly its tearing my heart badly. Love, for me is the most wonderful and beautiful thing in the world, but it can be cruel. I've almost killed myself over it, and I have thought about it many many times, even during a normal day thoughts about suicide come into my head, if I were to crash my truck here would it kill me? but who else would be killed or injured. Or other things similar to that. I'm hurting real fucking badly, but I'm forcing myself to keep it together. Haha if you were to visualize me as a pool with water in it, and the liner is my mental condition in terms of keeping my self together and appearing strong it would look like some beat up pool covered in duct tape patches with clean water, as the water as my conscience.
In meditation I contemplate these things, but they occur so naturally and easily it scares me from time to time. I've talked to friends about it, and they have no idea, they can't grasp the concept of it, the concept of killing your self as a curious and cognitive thought, thinking about how it would feel like, the trauma to your body, what others would do, what would happen to others in your decisions and actions. These thoughts torture me sometimes, and other times these thoughts catch my attention quite nicely. In meditation I have came to a conclusion, that no matter how bad it gets you will have help, there will be someone that will care, and if not than you can deal with it, you can adapt. We as humans can adapt to any situation for a period of time, some can last longer than others. But I believe that it just depends on your motivation, you need the proper motivation to keep going, to keep pushing through. you need to keep fighting, and not quit. If you need help ask for it, chances are someone will help you out, or at the least attempt to help you. I need help, I do, but for me its not urgent, I can keep myself together for a bit longer, hopefully enough until I come out of this recent depression that I've been in.
If you read all of that then I say thank you, if you understood all of it than thats wonderful, I am writing this at 2:30 in the morning so please forgive me for any grammatical mistakes or anything that sounds super crazy, but honestly, i'm in a relationship, a loving one, but yet I feel so alone right now, I feel depressed, so my thoughts are severely troubled right now and writing sometimes just works....
I started to practice meditation when I was doing drugs, it was a way to calm my mind if I was panicking or was in a manic state. I did it naturally, without prior knowledge of the subject, and haha let me say that it would pass for proper meditation one bit. But during those times I would shut the world out for a period of time, and focus on me. Focus on the problems that I was having, the paranoias, just everything. But being that it was during a drug fueled time it was unrefined, and much to broad about silly things that didn't matter.
But now as I'm writing this I have been clean for almost two months, and am still practicing meditation. It is my door to calmness, to being strong mentally, and what I believe is the doorway to zazen. I believe that zazen is still out of reach from me, but that is my goal. For those who don't know, zazen is a form of meditation. It is the art of doing nothing, in fact if you are trying to do nothing or think of nothing then you are not doing zazen. We as humans always try to be doing something, or thinking many things, or forgetting them for that matter. But zazen is total awareness of you, your surroundings, your position on life, love, virtually it is your awareness of everything-- or at least that is what I believe, and that it what I want to achieve. For those of you who are suffering from depression, I've been there, I'm in it right now. Writing about things help me, motivates me to keep pushing through. I have the anxiety and the paranoia, its straining me to no end, and honestly its tearing my heart badly. Love, for me is the most wonderful and beautiful thing in the world, but it can be cruel. I've almost killed myself over it, and I have thought about it many many times, even during a normal day thoughts about suicide come into my head, if I were to crash my truck here would it kill me? but who else would be killed or injured. Or other things similar to that. I'm hurting real fucking badly, but I'm forcing myself to keep it together. Haha if you were to visualize me as a pool with water in it, and the liner is my mental condition in terms of keeping my self together and appearing strong it would look like some beat up pool covered in duct tape patches with clean water, as the water as my conscience.
In meditation I contemplate these things, but they occur so naturally and easily it scares me from time to time. I've talked to friends about it, and they have no idea, they can't grasp the concept of it, the concept of killing your self as a curious and cognitive thought, thinking about how it would feel like, the trauma to your body, what others would do, what would happen to others in your decisions and actions. These thoughts torture me sometimes, and other times these thoughts catch my attention quite nicely. In meditation I have came to a conclusion, that no matter how bad it gets you will have help, there will be someone that will care, and if not than you can deal with it, you can adapt. We as humans can adapt to any situation for a period of time, some can last longer than others. But I believe that it just depends on your motivation, you need the proper motivation to keep going, to keep pushing through. you need to keep fighting, and not quit. If you need help ask for it, chances are someone will help you out, or at the least attempt to help you. I need help, I do, but for me its not urgent, I can keep myself together for a bit longer, hopefully enough until I come out of this recent depression that I've been in.
If you read all of that then I say thank you, if you understood all of it than thats wonderful, I am writing this at 2:30 in the morning so please forgive me for any grammatical mistakes or anything that sounds super crazy, but honestly, i'm in a relationship, a loving one, but yet I feel so alone right now, I feel depressed, so my thoughts are severely troubled right now and writing sometimes just works....
Writing is very healthy IMO. I love to write. Meditation, I have never indulged, but I am so glad it is helping you!