Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I came to realize yesterday that the thoughts I have been having, just a cry for help and attention. I've never done something for attention before other then when I was really young and you do that stuff all the time. My past cutting I was just depressed and cut and stuff to get rid of the pain and wanted people to just leave me alone I didn't want attention though that's what it looks like that definetely was not the case. This time I don't think cutting is any different then last time for the pain and not for attention but I just want to be left alone, yet...I was driving back to work yesterday from an appointment and the weather was brutal. Pouring the passing lane on internet was flooded I had a hard time driving up hills (could steer fine but just couldn't accelerate so don't worry I wasn't in a ton of danger) but soon I started to get to where the interstate curves a alot and noticed my car was sliding the the side while hydroplaning and this is toward the steep slope on the side of the road like most interstates. Well I could only think how wonderful it would be to just let myself just slide off the road and wake up in the hospital with everyone a round me asking me if I'm okay and telling me what they think happened when I really know what happened and I did it to myself. It was so tempting but I have no real will to die or anything and get scared about ending up possibly killing myself.
MegK05
I think having that sort of pseudo-fantasy is just part of how your brain works when you are depressed. I have thought similar things so many times I couldn't even begin to count them. And range everywhere from being horribly injured (hit by a car walking to the store) to getting really sick (PMS breast lump turns out to be cancer). I don't actually want those things to happen, but sometimes you just want an excuse to feel as awful as you do, I think. I think part of it comes from feeling awful on the inside but there are no physical symptoms, so the people around you don't understand that something is legitimately wrong. We think they would act differently if there was something physically wrong with us, we may get the attention and care we feel like we are missing. Just a theory.
drew4lostluv
I saw this post and was interested in how common this was so I posted and asked if anyone else has these urges. I think my line of thought is a little different than yours because I am not thinking about wakeing up in a hospital when I have these thoughts that just scare the hell out of me and I sort of enjoy the rush I get when these thoughts come and that scares me even more.
drew4lostluv
I don't really want to die either, but that high I get when truly scared out of my wits is just so enjoyable to me.
MegK05
Then that sounds like it feeds a chemical need. Dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline, you might be lacking in those (very, very common with depression and anxiety) so that rush brings them up or down accordingly.
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