I totally allowed my manipulative mother to get under my skin today and I feel so angry at myself. I've known her my entire life, I know it's better to let her spew nonsense and not respond, but today I just boiled over, told her exactly what I thought of her. And of course no matter what I say, her venom is ten times more powerful. She twists my words, throws things back in my face, makes me feel like I'm this totally broken, worthless human being. My whole life my parents have told me I'm the problem, that I'm unlikeable, unlovable. I want to believe it isn't true, and during other times in my life I've been lucky enough to have friends to reassure me that I'm not the bad guy, but I don't have any friends at all right now. I'm just feeling stuck and I'm wondering if it's even worth it to keep going. I mean, what is my end goal, really? I truly do not believe that I can ever be happy, let alone get away from my dysfunctional family. I love my dog very much and he's the only reason I've stayed so far, but sometimes I wonder if even God is looking down at me and saying to himself "Why the hell does she keep going?! Can't she see she doesn't belong on earth?!" Sometimes I wonder if I am supposed to die, because I honestly can't see what possible purpose I serve.