DS is a place where you can talk. This has been proven many times. I am sorry you have not found that here .... yet.

When someone talks, the other factor is someone to listen. We do that here.

This is the important part .... that is usually about all we can do. If that is enough ... then we are helpful. If that is enough for you, talk away .. but remain anonymous.

Many of us TRY to do more than listen ... and we will 'talk back' ... hopefully that will be helpful to you also. Just know this .... we probably can't fix anything. Turns out, we have to fix our own problems ... often with the help of the medical profession. Whatever our problems are, ... usually ONLY we can fix them.

That is not to say there is no benefit from DS. Many have benefited greatly from DS. Whether you will or not remains to be seen.

I suggest you find out .... by starting to talk. I/we await your reply.

Thank you. All very true. I have seen 3 different therapists in my life (multiple sessions each at different periods). I have been on meds. And I work in the field myself. I get it. I mostly just need to talk to someone. I have a lot of "darkness" I just need out.

I agree with WV, talking really can help but in the end we have to help ourselves.

You mentioned things that you are not proud of. I think that we all have things we are not proud of. As for finding people you can talk about it with, a lot can depend on what it was and then finding people willing to talk about it.

There are many support groups here, have you been able to find one that relates directly to this darkness you talk about?

"...lost my way...trying to figure out why...
"Because I feel empty? ...depressed? ...wrong relationship? ...just want so badly to connect...?"

That all sounds about right to me, and the solution for me was to find a new way. If you might know anyone who knows anything about A.A.'s Twelve Steps, there is where/how I learned to live...and the same is quite possible even for anyone who has never had a drink.

Sorry to hear someone on here stopped responding to you. Continue to share though because there are others who will listen/respond. I too can't turn to people IRL so much as they're too judgmental about what I'm going through so I come here. I have some great friends who listen/respond. As others have said sometimes there's a problem that all we can do is listen and send hugs of support instead of respond; because I'm insecure it used to bother me in the beginning but I'll gladly take a hug

The podium is yours. I understand ... hard to get started. As you can see .... it is up to you, .. therapist can't type it in for you, ... so we understand each other.

Take your time .... I know it's hard.

having come from a life of introspection and analysis, not to mention MUCH moral analysis by my mother, I'm inclined to say...

we do stuff because we're all chickies in the barnyard.

We see a thing to do - and do it. That is all.

We don't always know what the consequences will be before we do it. In fact; we never do. How could we? This is how we learn: experientially.

Sometimes we know something's 'naughty' or 'wrong' but we do it anyway. And then we find out who the victim is, when it's too late to put it back.

And sometimes we think we have done wrong when we haven't too. We think what we did was terrible, we feel responsible - for someone else's acts. how powerful are we, that we take responsibility for someone else's acts?

I think you need to stop introspecting. I think you simply need to accept what you have done, and learn that this is what people do. Humans do things. We are all human and this is what it is to be one.

I don't get why people are saying it's up to me. Obviously it is. But when you deal with someone all alone in your head for a long time you may just need to talk about it before knowing what to do next

Guess we need to know what IT is.