I am feeling pretty crappy lately. My back story - I am from a southern part of the US. I moved to NYC for school and I had fun my first year here but now it's my third year and I am so depressed. I HATE it here!! I just want to go home so bad...I miss my family so much! I miss my life down there....My grandfather just died so I spent a month back home with my family and things were sad but great..I was so glad to be around my family even if it was because a death in the family. I came back to NYC and I am feeling so crappy...I only have till May of next year till I can move..but to think about being here for that amount of time is making me feel so anxious and depressed...I hate leaving my apartment I fear anxiety attacks this city is just way too much for me. I have a boyfriend up here in nyc..but that makes my problem harder...since I am going home in May and he doesnt want to move with me. Because of my depression my sex drive has gone out the window..I love him..I just dont know what to do...but I CANT live here..I cant....I need to be happy and here doesn't make me happy..I hate it here! Ugh I don't know what to do/think...im sick of these headaches and sleepless nights and anxiety attacks and moments where I can't stop crying...My mom gave me a few valium to take in case I had a bad anxiety attack when I returned from my trip I havent taken them yet but I really REALLY want to..I just want to feel better...but whats the point of getting used to taking valium and not having more to take if needed...plus I dont want to rely on medication to feel better...