Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
The first day of the year, my first social action is to come here to this site, sharing the thoughts that I suppress from my friends.
I joined this site more than 5 years ago when I was broken heart. Then time passed by, I put myself together again, moved on and seemed to live very well until now. I have found no joy in life anymore. No attachment to anyone, anything.
For the last 5 years, I tried to find inner happiness, inner peace, being graceful for every little thing in life, being closer with my parents, making myself attractive with make-up and nice clothes, caring about friends, etc But now, still being single, I realized that I cant be happy anyhow.
I chose carefully when dating. In 2011 I dated a nice guy for a few months, but then his feelings for me faded and he moved to another country. In 2012 I met an old friend from junior high school. We dated for a few months but then my feelings faded and we broke up. In 2013 I met another guy. Before he met me, he already started the process of a long and complicated divorce (because of the kid) and the divorce is still not finalized until now. We totally fell for each other. But his divorce process took the toll on me. So we decided to end everything. Im still single today.
I realize that when I was dating, I wanted to see my friends more. I cared more about everyone, could listen to their problems for hours, gave them lots of embrace. But one thing I rarely did, and still now, rarely do, is to tell my friends about my problems. I often suppress my sadness, stress, anger, loneliness keep things to myself only. The only person I could share these problems was my boyfriend in the moment. In a way, the boyfriend, whoever he is, became my best friend in that time. So when Im single, I dont have any one to share.
After the last breakup, when I was stressed, or sad I needed time to swallow it, to cope with it. Time passed by, I grew more and more distance away from my friends because my sadness and loneliness just didnt fade away. I went out less and less. Partly because I dont have as much money as my friends do, partly because in those parties, I felt so detached to everything, the drinks, the conversation topics I was in those parties, but my mind was elsewhere. I laughed but I actually wanted to cry. I danced but I actually couldnt feel the music. My friends tried to hook me up with men but I couldnt focus to develop an interesting conversation. Then party after party, I still went home alone, removed the make-up, put out those blinking party clothes, wondered why I went out to those tasteless drink and crazy music and again I fell into the endless loneliness, or maybe cried myself to sleep. Then, my friends started to get used to my answer no when they hang out, then parties, trips Time goes by, they stop asking me whether I want to join them in any activities. But the thing is, I dont feel missing any of those activities.
It is such a stupid conflict. I am so lonely because I dont have a boyfriend. But I dont feel like going out there to meet men. Because I was once out there during the 20s. I used to be an attractive girl with sexy moves on the dance floor, a girl who could develop interesting and smart conversation And all those things of youth Until I fell in love, broken hearted, moved to another city to get away from the pains. Now, in the middle 30s, I dont feel like doing all those things anymore. Been there. Done that.
Christmas and New Year Eve have passed. I spend the holidays alone. I feel so lonely. I see on facebook, many friends are having great time hanging out. But I dont feel left out. I am sad that I am not part of it. But I also know that if I were there, I would not enjoy the fun as they do, but I would rather feel detached as I usually do.
One very close girl friend once blamed me: You are not fine. Why dont you ever share with us what youre holding inside? I wanted to tell her: I only have one problem during all those years: being single. I dont know what is wrong with my dating pattern. I go to the same places that you go, encounter myself by the same type of crowd as you do. But you, and that friend, and that other friend also are married. I am single. Do you want to hear me repeating it over after over. So, I shut up because I dont want to bore you, and eventually youll tell me to shut up Instead, I told her: Dont worry about. Its just somethings at work that bother me. Ill be fine soon. Years later, that soon hasnt happened to me yet.
I joined this site more than 5 years ago when I was broken heart. Then time passed by, I put myself together again, moved on and seemed to live very well until now. I have found no joy in life anymore. No attachment to anyone, anything.
For the last 5 years, I tried to find inner happiness, inner peace, being graceful for every little thing in life, being closer with my parents, making myself attractive with make-up and nice clothes, caring about friends, etc But now, still being single, I realized that I cant be happy anyhow.
I chose carefully when dating. In 2011 I dated a nice guy for a few months, but then his feelings for me faded and he moved to another country. In 2012 I met an old friend from junior high school. We dated for a few months but then my feelings faded and we broke up. In 2013 I met another guy. Before he met me, he already started the process of a long and complicated divorce (because of the kid) and the divorce is still not finalized until now. We totally fell for each other. But his divorce process took the toll on me. So we decided to end everything. Im still single today.
I realize that when I was dating, I wanted to see my friends more. I cared more about everyone, could listen to their problems for hours, gave them lots of embrace. But one thing I rarely did, and still now, rarely do, is to tell my friends about my problems. I often suppress my sadness, stress, anger, loneliness keep things to myself only. The only person I could share these problems was my boyfriend in the moment. In a way, the boyfriend, whoever he is, became my best friend in that time. So when Im single, I dont have any one to share.
After the last breakup, when I was stressed, or sad I needed time to swallow it, to cope with it. Time passed by, I grew more and more distance away from my friends because my sadness and loneliness just didnt fade away. I went out less and less. Partly because I dont have as much money as my friends do, partly because in those parties, I felt so detached to everything, the drinks, the conversation topics I was in those parties, but my mind was elsewhere. I laughed but I actually wanted to cry. I danced but I actually couldnt feel the music. My friends tried to hook me up with men but I couldnt focus to develop an interesting conversation. Then party after party, I still went home alone, removed the make-up, put out those blinking party clothes, wondered why I went out to those tasteless drink and crazy music and again I fell into the endless loneliness, or maybe cried myself to sleep. Then, my friends started to get used to my answer no when they hang out, then parties, trips Time goes by, they stop asking me whether I want to join them in any activities. But the thing is, I dont feel missing any of those activities.
It is such a stupid conflict. I am so lonely because I dont have a boyfriend. But I dont feel like going out there to meet men. Because I was once out there during the 20s. I used to be an attractive girl with sexy moves on the dance floor, a girl who could develop interesting and smart conversation And all those things of youth Until I fell in love, broken hearted, moved to another city to get away from the pains. Now, in the middle 30s, I dont feel like doing all those things anymore. Been there. Done that.
Christmas and New Year Eve have passed. I spend the holidays alone. I feel so lonely. I see on facebook, many friends are having great time hanging out. But I dont feel left out. I am sad that I am not part of it. But I also know that if I were there, I would not enjoy the fun as they do, but I would rather feel detached as I usually do.
One very close girl friend once blamed me: You are not fine. Why dont you ever share with us what youre holding inside? I wanted to tell her: I only have one problem during all those years: being single. I dont know what is wrong with my dating pattern. I go to the same places that you go, encounter myself by the same type of crowd as you do. But you, and that friend, and that other friend also are married. I am single. Do you want to hear me repeating it over after over. So, I shut up because I dont want to bore you, and eventually youll tell me to shut up Instead, I told her: Dont worry about. Its just somethings at work that bother me. Ill be fine soon. Years later, that soon hasnt happened to me yet.
You can change how you feel and the ideas you have, if you express yourself. :)