it's been months, maybe even a year, since I have cut...until last night......and it felt good. usually i'm anxious and upset when I cut but last night was different. i was calm. all i could think about was cutting. i was just so depressed. i wish that calmness would come back over me as it did last night when i cut. now i'm anxious and still really depressed. i was supposed to see my therapist today but because of the stupid weather she had to cancel. Now i have to wait till next week. i really need to talk. guess i will be taking alot of anxiety meds between now and tuesday. maybe i will just cut again and hope it brings back the calm and that feel good effect....

my therapist says i'm doing everything right (minus the fact that i cut last night) but if i am doing everything right why do i feel this way? why do i feel the urge to cut? why do i feel so alone? why do i feel so anxious? why do i feel so depressed? all i want to do is go curl up in bed and hide under the weight of the covers. I take all my meds like i'm supposed to. i go to therapy twice a week like i'm supposed to. i see the psychiatrist when i'm supposed to. i go on from day to day...but for what reason. why keep doing all these things "right" when I still feel so "wrong" so to speak.