Your husband sounds like he has mental issues beyond your control, and he also sounds like a sadist. He might be playing mind games with you to get you under his control; your happy or sad state of being becomes up to him, not you. I realize this is a very bold step, but since you cannot change another person, IMHO the best thing for you to do is get out now while you can. There are better people to be married to who will treat you with respect. I'll pray for you.

I would tell him

"I tell you the truth and the abuse continues, so I think it best for you to leave me or let it go ... or I will leave you."

I literally can't do this. He wants a divorce. I can't handle that. I'm not stable. I'm a wreck. I've been crying for 2 days, and all he does is yell at me when I cry because he says I don't deserve to feel sad. He's the one that should be crying. I'm so heart broken I can't do this

oh for god's sake he's not a sadist.

Dude is trying to help but it all proves too much. Learn what to tell people. And what is this 'truth' he's asking for? What is it he's asking you to tell him? Have you been cheating on him and he's masochistically wanting the gory details to try and understand - or are you talking about something else, like, suicidal ideation & shit. never any kind of good idea to tell your husband that. Tell your counsellor.

there are 2 people in this mess feeding mess into mess. The problem is you're all triggering each other. I recommend a counsellor, because a third person in the room to head things off at the pass means you can get past your triggers and into calmer waters. If you two are unable to do that, then I recommend writing letters about this topic, whatever it is.

Letters allow people to rephrase. They allow people to review what was said. They can really defuse the panic and tension.

Obviously emails is fine. But not face to face. It's making too much panic for both of you. And just remember this guy is arguing for a reason. he's panicked. why? Only knowing what this 'truth' is can tell us why he's panicked, but let's assume he's genuine until proven not. :)

Just read your reply. If he wants a divorce you'll cry your way through it but it's probably for the best. If you're not stable enough to divorce you're not stable enough to be married quite frankly. It's hard enough to keep one person stable, keeping yourself stable while tethered to another human being who is also trying to keep themself stable on a plank of wood in the middle of the ocean is just plain too hard.

Your first obligation is to sort your internal state out as one individual unit. Then you can add more units to your life as you become able to handle them without it bunging you all into the sea.

I agree with the therapy part. By all means get a neutral person to listen to each of you, and to help you two chart a path that works for the both of you.

One possibility is that your needs are more than he can process and/or handle at this time. Likewise, his needs may be more than you can process and/or handle at this time. My wife is a nurse, and there are times that she would like to tell me more about a situation than I can deal with. (Think medical emergency with all the detail you would expect in a feature film ... )

Another possibility is that the two of you communicate differently. Some people need to cover every detail, others want more of a summary. For example, my wife would love it if I could give her all the detail of my conversation with our grown children. I suspect that even if I had a video/audio of the interaction it would not be enough detail for her.

As you learn how much each of you has to offer the other, and how to communicate it, then you can both better support each other.

Men also like to fix things, and it takes us a long time to learn when our wives just want to vent. Even if venting is the answer 95% of the time, we still look for ways to fix things.

I hope the two of you can talk and find a middle ground.

Gentle hugs