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I figured I'd mention that this may trigger some here, because even if I did put it in the title, it might not be seen. So be warned.
**TRIGGER**
Anyway.
So this whole college thing is really...different. It's a lot to adjust to.
After I completely fucked up my first semester. I'm back. And off to a great start.
Until today.
And this is where the triggering begins.
First, I woke up a bit late for my class.
I'm a commuter.
Second, when I left, even though I still had 20 minutes before my first class started, I couldn't find ANYWHERE to park.
When I finally did, I walked into the class with 2 minutes to spare. yeah, it took that long.
Third, everyone in the college is sick.
-_-
Anyone who knows me, knows that i'm TERRIFIED of vomiting. It's a fear.
I will avoid ANYONE at ANY cost to avoid getting sick. And people all over the place are coughing and sneezing (signs of the common cold, which I don't mind so much). But then, as I'm sitting in the cafe, this kid was talking to his friends and goes "oh yeah. I'm just reaaaally not feeling well. And he didn't look it. He looked like he was just going to... iew. *shudder*
And the kid beside him was like "oh, I think theres something going around". Great. So now I'm stressing about that. I mean, I grabbed my stuff, ran out of the caf, and started hyperventilating (literally) until I landed myself in a practice room with a piano.
I couldn't focus on playing.
So I went and sat outside of my second class (almost 2 hours early)
That's when I decided.
I went to the bookstore, and bought gauze.
I went to the new science building (because it's new and the bathrooms are cleaner than most on campus)
and I cut.
There was blood. everywhere.
Oh and it was an amazing feeling.
I know, I know, this isn't the SI board. I'm sorry.
But my general horrible and depressing day, fit more into this category.
When I got home to my loving boyfriend, my stomach started hurting.
Luckily, that has subsided.
So I'm not quite freaking out about puking tonight as I was.
But tomorrow? I'll avoid people like the plague.
I.do.not.want.to.get.sick.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I wish I could isolate for 3 weeks. But that would be way to much class to miss.
Is it pathetic that at 11:11 I wished "never to throw up again in my life"?
It's pathetic. I know it.
Laugh all you want.
But someone give me a "hang in there" please.
And maybe some advice as to not get sick from the college kids who don't know how to stay in their dorms when there sick.
And how to boost my immune system.
Thankkkkks. :)
with love.
**TRIGGER**
Anyway.
So this whole college thing is really...different. It's a lot to adjust to.
After I completely fucked up my first semester. I'm back. And off to a great start.
Until today.
And this is where the triggering begins.
First, I woke up a bit late for my class.
I'm a commuter.
Second, when I left, even though I still had 20 minutes before my first class started, I couldn't find ANYWHERE to park.
When I finally did, I walked into the class with 2 minutes to spare. yeah, it took that long.
Third, everyone in the college is sick.
-_-
Anyone who knows me, knows that i'm TERRIFIED of vomiting. It's a fear.
I will avoid ANYONE at ANY cost to avoid getting sick. And people all over the place are coughing and sneezing (signs of the common cold, which I don't mind so much). But then, as I'm sitting in the cafe, this kid was talking to his friends and goes "oh yeah. I'm just reaaaally not feeling well. And he didn't look it. He looked like he was just going to... iew. *shudder*
And the kid beside him was like "oh, I think theres something going around". Great. So now I'm stressing about that. I mean, I grabbed my stuff, ran out of the caf, and started hyperventilating (literally) until I landed myself in a practice room with a piano.
I couldn't focus on playing.
So I went and sat outside of my second class (almost 2 hours early)
That's when I decided.
I went to the bookstore, and bought gauze.
I went to the new science building (because it's new and the bathrooms are cleaner than most on campus)
and I cut.
There was blood. everywhere.
Oh and it was an amazing feeling.
I know, I know, this isn't the SI board. I'm sorry.
But my general horrible and depressing day, fit more into this category.
When I got home to my loving boyfriend, my stomach started hurting.
Luckily, that has subsided.
So I'm not quite freaking out about puking tonight as I was.
But tomorrow? I'll avoid people like the plague.
I.do.not.want.to.get.sick.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I wish I could isolate for 3 weeks. But that would be way to much class to miss.
Is it pathetic that at 11:11 I wished "never to throw up again in my life"?
It's pathetic. I know it.
Laugh all you want.
But someone give me a "hang in there" please.
And maybe some advice as to not get sick from the college kids who don't know how to stay in their dorms when there sick.
And how to boost my immune system.
Thankkkkks. :)
with love.
wow it sounds like you've got a lot going on
i know what you mean about puking though i hate it myself its the worst feeling in the world!
how no to get sick isnt my thing unfortunately try getting lots of vitamin C thats supposed to help with colds but other then that id say just be really careful - wash hands often dont share bottles stay away from people who are already sick eat healthy exercise- but i guess you'd already know all that!
maybe you could go to a heath store or something and see if theres any multi vitamins that will help boost your immune system?
i dont like to promote veganism in this way but ive read a lot of people say they dont get sick as often after making the change.. i dunno if thats something that would interest you... but theres loads of info out there so up to you! (ive only been vegan 8 months but i havent been sick in that time)
I also found a multivitamin that supposidly supports the immune system.
(That was on the way to the phramacy to buy pepto bismol, for my tummy ): )
But yeah. It's pretty intense in college world :( Thanks for the reply though.
I really appreciate it :)
I know exactly how scared you are. I've wished that before, wished to never throw up again. Wanted to run screaming out of a situation where people were sick. Wanted to absolutely beat the living shit out of people who don't understand STAY THE FUCK AT HOME UNTIL YOU'RE BETTER.
I understand that's the phobia talking and no, I would never beat anybody for being sick. But I'm hoping you know the feeling I'm talking about.
I can't add much to what I'm sure you already know...washing hands, Airborne, supplements...
Try and control this as much as you can. I know that's hard as hell. But you're out living a life. Mine has me literally imprisoned in my house. I haven't left for 5 months except when I had no choice. Don't let yourself to this point. It truly sucks, and it's harder to work your way OUT of it than to get yourself in it.
God I just wanna hug you, I know how bad this sucks. But all we can do is be careful and try to control the fear, right?
Oh, and I do hope that you're responsible about your cutting.
Huge hugs and I wish I could do more...you'll get through it. That much I can swear, you will get through it.
I'm responsible.
At the time of the incident, I had no rubbing alcohol, so
I washed off with water and wrapped it with sterile gauze.
When I got home from classes,
rubbing alcohol, and clean gauze.
I'll probably leave that on until tomorrow.
And clean it again tomorrow morning with fresh gauze,
maybe even tonight as well.
As far as the phobia.
Oye.
That's all I can really say.
Its horrible.but knowing someone else out there has the same phobia, it helps a little.
its weird, because sometimes even when i feel well, i think to myself
"you know, it wouldn't even really be that bad to just throw up".
until I start feeling ill
And then it's back to praying "God no.. please don't let this happen".
-_-
I havent thrown up in 7 years.
How pathetic that I know that.
Although, it was because it was on new years day 7 years ago that i remember.
weird.
thanks for the reply!