Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
So I'm gonna warn you this is gonna be a little lengthy, but I promise it won't be as boring as anything else I've written (I'll try to keep it that way at least).
First off I feel guilty I haven't been coming on here. I get doing well or I don't make time, but in reality when I stop that's when I start giving up again, when I think I'm the strongest. I been going through a lot...Good AND bad. So here's what is going on in my life and everything was going perfect till yesterday morning.
I'm in college now :) I got into a local community college, Eastern Maine Community College. A wonderful school full of wonderful people :) This is probably the most stressful thing going on in my life. It's been killing me in one way and in another it's been building me to be a better person, a much better person. It's been destroying my sleep nights I don't take my medicine. I been failing to be able to type without screwing up words all the time and is annoying to me :P I spend my days Monday - Friday at school 70% of my waking hours. This is by choice of course, but also my best option for me 2 or 3 of the 5 days I'm there. So here's a little little honest run down on classes that I need to get out of my system:
Topics in Developmental Mathematics: I like my teacher, he's very kind, laid back to the proper extent, great sense of humor. The class though I don't care for it, it's self-paced (I do like that), the test make me feel like I'm stupid, sadly he can't do anything about this because it's we use MyMathLab.com for it. These test are actually not graded and are called "skill checks," which are helpful and a beautiful thing but they are so overly difficult when I see I got 0 of 40 right I feel like an idiot and get discouraged.
Introduction to Psychology: Love this class even those it's not my thing, the teacher is amazing just like my math teacher. The class itself is very straight forward and just very simple for someone who lacks knowledge in the field, but wishes to learn what they can given the opportunity.
Oral Communications: Hate this class. Let's face it I'm not a public speaking kind of guy. Yeah I failed my first speech because I may have been talking to this really sweet girl in the Student Success Center, but I practiced for hours, upon hours for this speech. I dislike the teacher, very poor teaching style and doesn't explain anything or when he does not very well.
College Composition with Lab: I love this class for now :) The teacher is great, she makes up write every class for 5 minutes, but it seems to be really working for me. I'm definitely not a writer, but for now this class is going well and if it continues this way I will be fine.
College Success Course: Well I'm not happy I'm in this class but it's what happens when you apply and get in on the very last day of accepting for that semester. It's required for all Liberal Studies students. I'm only in it because my major was full :( The teacher is nice, but unsure how much I really like her. Their is something I can't quiet put my finger on. The class is very helpful though :)
So other then classes how is the college life...WELL LET ME TELL YOU! :) So we had student orientation and that went very well. I made a friend her name is Makayla. We are BFFs as she put it after the second day. I like her a lot, but not in a I want to date her kind of way. I mean I wish, but she kinda made it clear she wanted to be just friends and without giving away anything (To avoid making her feel guilty) I told her that I'm fine with that.
Jumping back just a minute, college has totally changed me. I wake up 7:30 in the morning every school day (Monday - Friday). I been taking care of myself like I haven't in YEARS. I don't think I've tried this hard in a long time to make sure I took a shower everyday for school and taking care of my teeth (This one in particular). OH and I been reading books...based on video games I like or the book of games I like. Right now I'm reading "The Infernal City" which is a book based on The Elder Scroll Series, which is my favorite game series of ALL TIMES!
Now back to where we were before I rudely interrupted myself. So this girl Makayla I help her with Math when she needs it. She helps me with my writing. I spend my days and nights doing homework. I try to ignore the pressure of playing video games when I should be working.
So now I'm sure you are wondering what is really wrong with me right now. Well you remember the girl I spoke of when talking about Oral Communications? Well her name is Cassi, she is really nice, we have a lot in common, I told her last night I like her and would like to get to know her more. If that was okay then we would definitely try and go out some time. She said she would "gladly" and it's only iffy because she is kinda seeing this guy. They are FWBs but that's not what she wants anymore and so she is waiting to see what happens. I told her I wanted something serious and that I'd like to if we see fit after getting to know each other, to give it a shot, see where things go.
I'm all worried about what if she said that just to make me happy and not because it's what she wants. I genuinely like this girl. Today I just been thinking all day what if I get turned down because she ends up being with this other guy. It breaks my heart to think about it. What about the pain if it does happen? I've been really depressed since I messaged her about 6PM tonight. Never got a reply but she been on Facebook and everything. Also she looked at a message from me on Facebook and never replied. I just feel really down about every little thing tonight that has to do with her. I know these are just temporary but it really hurts.
Well I'm all out of things (I'm pretty sure I had more to share but just so tired that I can't go on any more.
First off I feel guilty I haven't been coming on here. I get doing well or I don't make time, but in reality when I stop that's when I start giving up again, when I think I'm the strongest. I been going through a lot...Good AND bad. So here's what is going on in my life and everything was going perfect till yesterday morning.
I'm in college now :) I got into a local community college, Eastern Maine Community College. A wonderful school full of wonderful people :) This is probably the most stressful thing going on in my life. It's been killing me in one way and in another it's been building me to be a better person, a much better person. It's been destroying my sleep nights I don't take my medicine. I been failing to be able to type without screwing up words all the time and is annoying to me :P I spend my days Monday - Friday at school 70% of my waking hours. This is by choice of course, but also my best option for me 2 or 3 of the 5 days I'm there. So here's a little little honest run down on classes that I need to get out of my system:
Topics in Developmental Mathematics: I like my teacher, he's very kind, laid back to the proper extent, great sense of humor. The class though I don't care for it, it's self-paced (I do like that), the test make me feel like I'm stupid, sadly he can't do anything about this because it's we use MyMathLab.com for it. These test are actually not graded and are called "skill checks," which are helpful and a beautiful thing but they are so overly difficult when I see I got 0 of 40 right I feel like an idiot and get discouraged.
Introduction to Psychology: Love this class even those it's not my thing, the teacher is amazing just like my math teacher. The class itself is very straight forward and just very simple for someone who lacks knowledge in the field, but wishes to learn what they can given the opportunity.
Oral Communications: Hate this class. Let's face it I'm not a public speaking kind of guy. Yeah I failed my first speech because I may have been talking to this really sweet girl in the Student Success Center, but I practiced for hours, upon hours for this speech. I dislike the teacher, very poor teaching style and doesn't explain anything or when he does not very well.
College Composition with Lab: I love this class for now :) The teacher is great, she makes up write every class for 5 minutes, but it seems to be really working for me. I'm definitely not a writer, but for now this class is going well and if it continues this way I will be fine.
College Success Course: Well I'm not happy I'm in this class but it's what happens when you apply and get in on the very last day of accepting for that semester. It's required for all Liberal Studies students. I'm only in it because my major was full :( The teacher is nice, but unsure how much I really like her. Their is something I can't quiet put my finger on. The class is very helpful though :)
So other then classes how is the college life...WELL LET ME TELL YOU! :) So we had student orientation and that went very well. I made a friend her name is Makayla. We are BFFs as she put it after the second day. I like her a lot, but not in a I want to date her kind of way. I mean I wish, but she kinda made it clear she wanted to be just friends and without giving away anything (To avoid making her feel guilty) I told her that I'm fine with that.
Jumping back just a minute, college has totally changed me. I wake up 7:30 in the morning every school day (Monday - Friday). I been taking care of myself like I haven't in YEARS. I don't think I've tried this hard in a long time to make sure I took a shower everyday for school and taking care of my teeth (This one in particular). OH and I been reading books...based on video games I like or the book of games I like. Right now I'm reading "The Infernal City" which is a book based on The Elder Scroll Series, which is my favorite game series of ALL TIMES!
Now back to where we were before I rudely interrupted myself. So this girl Makayla I help her with Math when she needs it. She helps me with my writing. I spend my days and nights doing homework. I try to ignore the pressure of playing video games when I should be working.
So now I'm sure you are wondering what is really wrong with me right now. Well you remember the girl I spoke of when talking about Oral Communications? Well her name is Cassi, she is really nice, we have a lot in common, I told her last night I like her and would like to get to know her more. If that was okay then we would definitely try and go out some time. She said she would "gladly" and it's only iffy because she is kinda seeing this guy. They are FWBs but that's not what she wants anymore and so she is waiting to see what happens. I told her I wanted something serious and that I'd like to if we see fit after getting to know each other, to give it a shot, see where things go.
I'm all worried about what if she said that just to make me happy and not because it's what she wants. I genuinely like this girl. Today I just been thinking all day what if I get turned down because she ends up being with this other guy. It breaks my heart to think about it. What about the pain if it does happen? I've been really depressed since I messaged her about 6PM tonight. Never got a reply but she been on Facebook and everything. Also she looked at a message from me on Facebook and never replied. I just feel really down about every little thing tonight that has to do with her. I know these are just temporary but it really hurts.
Well I'm all out of things (I'm pretty sure I had more to share but just so tired that I can't go on any more.
who wants to be involved with the other. Even if you sounded kind of
laid back when you were talking to her, you are now sitting on the edge
of your seat, waiting for a reply from her.
If it's meant to be, it will happen. If you accept that, you can continue with
all you have going for you, and not get desperate over anybody.
Good luck.
She seems very upset though and she told me not to give her any advice and not to say things like she's beautiful and doesn't deserve someone like him. But there was more I can't remember but fact is she limited me to basically just shut up and listen. This is something I can't stand to do. I care about her too much to sit back and let her hurt like that. I'm still deciding if tomorrow I should see her for the time we had planned or if I should just give her more space. I already told her though that I wanted to say more and don't know what to say. But also reminded I cared more about her being happy then anything else since she mentioned the other guy and how she wants to be with him and tried to make him feel like she really wants him but didn't change anything. I tried to not be heartless :( and am only being honest. If I can't get her myself and when I'm not trying to push it I just want her to be happy and then I'm fine. It's an endless battle at times.
I'm trying to figure out when to ask her out on a date and everything and that's tough knowing she may not want to do anything with anyone that soon. I guess I can understand this but it's a tough call.