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Im 27 years old with a 5 year old daughter, who I care about but never felt connected too or really in love with, like a mother should but now that me and her father don't get along and he lives closer plus he has full custody of her, I think the best thing there is for me to do is give up being a mother. I don't know how to explain anything right because I know that it sounds bad but I don't want to be a mother, it wasn't meant for me, and it's only going to be worse for her if I stick around. I'm at a loss, I don't know what to do and I have no one to talk to about this...please anything may help....
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It's National Doughnut Day!Which three would you like? (never mind the calories, fat, or sugar content; just go with what you would pick if none of that mattered and whatever health issues you might have that would keep you from eating one in real life can be cast aside for this exercise as well... have at it!)
My kids love their father, but he really didn't like the hands on part of parenting.
What's the saying...it takes a village to raise a kid?
Maybe put aside the "shoulds" and be the parent that you can be with her? He's got full custody, so maybe he's more suited to that part of it.
My best advice: STAY in her life. Communicate with her father. Support her financially as much as you can. Back up the father on behavioral issues. Maintain visitation even if it seems awkward.
It really IS okay to have a relationship with her more like you'd think of a aunt-niece, or grandmother-grandchild (I've long called my ex husband the grandfather that my kids otherwise wouldn't have had.) They love him. He loves them. It's not what he was thinking it was going to be, but the kids are growing up happy, emotionally healthy, and make us both proud.
There were more than a few times where he wondered if his contribution counted. It DID.
In her life or not. You're the ONLY mother she'll ever have. You're not replaceable. But you can modify the role.
Big hugs from another parent that knows that answers aren't always easy,
Patti
I plan to have a child in the hope my heart will come back to life, but if it doesn't???
Then I'm just going to look after them and do my best to have good times with them free from abuse and support them financially and educationally
My mum admitted to me as an adult that you "don't FEEL love for others you just know you do"
I guess that's why I don't feel bonded to her either
What you dont realise is, is how much easier you can make life for your daughter. She will notice your absence and because she is a kid she will think it's her fault and feel bad about herself, she will cry wondering why her mum left her and eventually she'll get hard and be SO angry with you for abandoning her
If there's a lack of a bond between you two, then likely she won't realise that until she's an adult, at which point she'll no longer care because then ideally she'll be moving on to a boyfriend or something
Now come on hun, no ones asking you to do the mother role full-time, your ex has her yeah. That's great news now you get the honey. Short visits where you just play together or read story books together. Just do all the fun things in being a parent. As others have said side with father about behaviour consequences (unless it's abusive) and dont tell your kid you hate him
And with time it should become a nice part of your weekly routine
You say you care about your daughter well use that weekly visit to show care. As you've had a child it really is your responsibility to stick with the relationship long term even when the going gets tough
After years of trying to be there for my niece and nephew I came to the conclusion that I would go no contact. Not really my choice I would still see them. But can't stand my brother
I resented paying loads of money out on them for Christmas knowing my brother won't return the favour. But decided to keep the presents for birthdays and Christmas going, in the hope we will be reunited once they are grown
Perhaps they will understand why I left them and be with me again. Maybe they just won't give a hoot after not seeing me for so long :(
Time will tell
I hope you realise your value to this young girl and can commit to seeing her two hours once a week at least
If you can't do that then maybe you need therapy to figure out why your dodging relationships after a certain amount of time?
But still love and accept you whatever you decide, keep posting, you'll get through