Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I can't even remember the last time i felt alive, joyful.... This depression has overpowered me for such a long time, I don't know what else to do except to tolerate it/white knuckle it.
I find myself not feeling good about myself and my whole life situation and that keeps me totally isolated. I know when I'm involved and engaged in an activity (like when I absolutely HAVE to be!) I am totally present and the depression isn't there. That happened today when i saw a client. I had a long drive both ways, listened to a book on CD, stopped at the store and felt pretty good. And then: I came home and the anxiety and realization of how alone I am and how little i do in my life came crashing down on me and I haven't been the same since. Just holding on, waiting for time to pass.
I hate living this way and have been struggling to find a way out with no success. I keep writing in my journal: WHAT'S TO BECOME OF ME? And i do worry about where I'll be in a year, 5, 10 - how will I be supporting myself? Where will I even be able to live? What about my cats?
I know I need to be grateful that I'm safe and secure right now and that my physical needs are satisfied, but I'm just miserable. I'm NOT suicidal, but I keep thinking that i really have nothing to live for. My life is empty of friendship, relationships, rewarding job, self-expression - all the things I find important and really, imperative to living a rich, full, abundant life - a life where I contribute and serve mankind and the planet. That's what I'm here for, and I'm not doing it!
I just want it to lift so I can feel again and have a life worth living
I find myself not feeling good about myself and my whole life situation and that keeps me totally isolated. I know when I'm involved and engaged in an activity (like when I absolutely HAVE to be!) I am totally present and the depression isn't there. That happened today when i saw a client. I had a long drive both ways, listened to a book on CD, stopped at the store and felt pretty good. And then: I came home and the anxiety and realization of how alone I am and how little i do in my life came crashing down on me and I haven't been the same since. Just holding on, waiting for time to pass.
I hate living this way and have been struggling to find a way out with no success. I keep writing in my journal: WHAT'S TO BECOME OF ME? And i do worry about where I'll be in a year, 5, 10 - how will I be supporting myself? Where will I even be able to live? What about my cats?
I know I need to be grateful that I'm safe and secure right now and that my physical needs are satisfied, but I'm just miserable. I'm NOT suicidal, but I keep thinking that i really have nothing to live for. My life is empty of friendship, relationships, rewarding job, self-expression - all the things I find important and really, imperative to living a rich, full, abundant life - a life where I contribute and serve mankind and the planet. That's what I'm here for, and I'm not doing it!
I just want it to lift so I can feel again and have a life worth living
I'm always afraid I will screw everything up!
So you felt good while you were with your client! That tells you something!
Lets make a pact. If you will make yourself do SOMETHING that terrifies you just ONCE a day, I will join you.
I will start. I need to go get groceries and it is terrifying me so much I feel like I am going to toss my cookies.
But as soon as I finish checking my messages I am LEAVING!!!!
I will die depressed, just like I lived.
I like TroJan's idea about doing something terrifying. I am so lucky not to be so extremely depressed every day, but I do have a tendency to isolate myself, and I know my upswings always start with doing something scary and hard.
TroJan, I hope you were able to get out and get groceries.
Heretic, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say except that I hope you can hang onto the fact that there are people here who do care and wish you well.
omaerdna, (Didn't want to use your real name in case you have it hidden on purpose), I am happy you had a small bit of time where you didn't feel so bad. I'm off to message you, so I'll say more there.
Could barely get out of there without going into full blown panic. Forgot some of the stuff I needed but at least I got out of there and back home in one piece!
Today is the first day in some time I have not been in panic so for now I am just going to go with that.
Tomorrow we go visit the horses.