My mom is from clearwater Florida. She's also moving back.

There's a part of me that wants to go with her. But then there's a part of me that wants to stay put.

Mom understands that. And she says she will have enough to send bus fare. For me to come visit for a month.

I would almost be like a " snowbird". Go there around Christmas and come back in January.

There is no one way to grieve. There isn't a place, person or thing that will erase the pain of the loss entirely. Time can lessen the intensity of the pain.
Just wondering, do you live alone? Will you feel more alone
when your mom leaves? I have lost many people in my life and
it's very painful. There can be different stages that you may go through,
Seems like you're in a very depressed phase right now. I have had those moments and days. I felt numb many times in the beginning.
All I can say is I hope that you begin to have some less painful days

I'm so sorry about your dad. Unfortunately its not as simple as getting gradually better until one day are fine again. Its a twisted path with switchbacks. There are entire books, lots of them, written about it. You may want to check them out on Amzn. There's too much to explain here.

If you are fooling your docs in order to pass tests and leave, then how can they help you? Docs and counselors can only help if you are honest with them.

If you have been to mental hospitals, and your mom is moving out of town, you will be losing a big part of your emotional support. I would think very seriously about moving back with her. You will need a support network to get through this.

I'm sorry for your loss. I understand. I lost my Dad three years ago, and nothing is okay, nothing is back to normal, and I know it never can be. Nothing is okay and joy is fleeting and met with hasty attack from inside.

I deal with it and have accepted it quite a while ago. That's it. Nothing more.

It doesn’t get better with time, You just get used to feeling the pain. Why don’t you move to Clearwater where your mom lives. That’s a good place to live.

I certainly understand the loss of parents. My mom died 32 years ago and I have been without her half my life. Lost my dad 2 years ago..... It doesn't necessarily get easier with time. There are are good days and not so good days, especially when a birthday or other event rolls around or you hear a certain song Everyone grieves differently. Most of the time I just remember the good and happy times, my mom's smile or my dad and I singing and playing guitar together. There are, of course, those times where I will sit and cry. Allow yourself time to grieve but also remember the good times.... Sorry for your loss..
Sending hugs and support!!