I love my SAD light at this time of year it is what gets me out of bed in the morning. It is very helpful. I notice a huge difference in my mood when I use it.
Why so defeated?

I feel the exact same way. Defeated. Most nights I don’t sleep.

I can’t let go out this sadness and emptiness inside of me. It’s a numbness. It gets worse when I think about “it” but I’ve managed not to think about “it” as much but I’m just running from my problems.

My therapist says I’m making progress but I feel defeated. To the point I can’t even work anymore. I barely leave my house.

Can you elaborate on why you feel so defeated? I have never talked to anyone else used that word in that way but me. Defeated.

I feel defeated because I hate my job but with what's going on in the world right now, I'm scared to leave it, I hate that the relationship with my daughter is nonexistent and I have no answers as to why, I hate that the love of my life cheated on me after asking me to marry him and using me financially, I am so depressed I just want to sleep all the time. I'm defeated.

I don’t want to sound cliche and say I feel the same way. But I do. Aside from having a daughter. I had a relationship that I thought was on its way to marriage to find out he cant handle me and my issues and then realized he was lying to me just recently. And he did the same thing financially, starting manipulating me in feeling like it was my fault that this was all happening. And then just left me alone. I am the same with work. I called off a bunch in the beginning of this because I was so scared bc of the lack of precautions my work was taking. Right now I’m on leave bad have been for months because it got so bad. And I can’t even make myself work from home which is opening up my computer and thinking. That’s how depressed I have got. I feel like everything I do or touch is poisoned with my depression and sadness and I have no idea how to fix it. I did the medication thing again but I got extremely sick and it just made it worse. I’m currently doing TMS treatment. I just started so I don’t feel different yet. But if this doesn’t work. I don’t what will make me feel again. Feel undefeated. Feel a worth. No one understands when I say that word defeated how I feel. It’s hard to make people understand how terrible this feels. But I know it. And it scares me. Because I don’t have much else left to give to get better. I’m also afraid to get better, which I know sounds stupid, but I’m just so used to feeling so terrible. I don’t know if I can bare to live normally. Or differently.