Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I need a solution to my problem. The best way I can describe my problem without going into details is this:
There's person A and person B. I had feelings for person A for 10 years but nothing came out of it. Person A was and still is friends with person B. I have always been on good terms with both of them but a couple of years ago, I received a slap in the face when I found out my privacy was jeopardized by both A and B. Person B decided to become the smarty pants and confronted me about something that was none of her business. This got me so angry because I realized person A was sharing private information about my my life and my feelings with person ***** B and god knows who else. Needless to say I don't trust any of them now or anyone associated with them. This incident caused a major hurdle in my relationship with many people associated with them. I am no longer in direct contact with them but let's say I'm in a circumstances where I am forced to be in contact with them on a daily basis.
My biggest pain is not that things didn't work out with A but right now my biggest issue is the bond between A and B. They both found out (not through me) that I get immensely emotionally distressed seeing them interact and now both of them are deliberately rubbing it in my face just for fun.
I have no expectations from A whatsoever and frankly after seeing a certain side of him, I realized this is not the type of person that could be good for me but at the same time the amount of pain I get seeing them play games at the expense of my pain or sometimes genuinely help each other in need is so emotionally traumatizing to me to a point I can't describe. Person A is now with a family but is immensely supportive of person B's life and affairs. There were a couple of incidents where person A deliberately gives person B the opportunity to humiliate me. I want nothing more than to move on with my own life but I can't get out of the circumstances I'm in which forces me to be in contact with them. The distress I'm in is the result of many things:
1. Dealing with how things ended up and accepting that A is on a different path forever.
2. Accepting that I can't be in contact with A anymore, not even as an acquaintance and the cause of it all was person B.
3. Watching person A so attentive and supportive of person B who happens to be the main cause of my misery.
4. Watching person B simply enjoy the situation and attention knowing how it's making me feel- same goes for A.
5. Walking away means accepting things the way they are, meaning I have to accept feeling defeated by B and although on a superficial level there's nothing between A and B, I feel B got to have her last laugh at the expense of my pain.
6. Walking away means having the courage to open my heart to new things and I can't do that because the level of pain I feel is enough to keep me sitting in bed all day crying my eyeballs out at this stupidity.
7. Other parts of my life are not well tuned which means every time they decide to appease me, it's a domino effect for all the other parts of my life.
6. Accept that person A will always be in person B's life and my existence and the time I invested for 10 years feels like it meant nothing for anyone.
I am wise enough to understand that I can't change fate or the situation but the emotional pain I feel is too much to tolerate. I need someone to help me find a way to deal with it better.
There's person A and person B. I had feelings for person A for 10 years but nothing came out of it. Person A was and still is friends with person B. I have always been on good terms with both of them but a couple of years ago, I received a slap in the face when I found out my privacy was jeopardized by both A and B. Person B decided to become the smarty pants and confronted me about something that was none of her business. This got me so angry because I realized person A was sharing private information about my my life and my feelings with person ***** B and god knows who else. Needless to say I don't trust any of them now or anyone associated with them. This incident caused a major hurdle in my relationship with many people associated with them. I am no longer in direct contact with them but let's say I'm in a circumstances where I am forced to be in contact with them on a daily basis.
My biggest pain is not that things didn't work out with A but right now my biggest issue is the bond between A and B. They both found out (not through me) that I get immensely emotionally distressed seeing them interact and now both of them are deliberately rubbing it in my face just for fun.
I have no expectations from A whatsoever and frankly after seeing a certain side of him, I realized this is not the type of person that could be good for me but at the same time the amount of pain I get seeing them play games at the expense of my pain or sometimes genuinely help each other in need is so emotionally traumatizing to me to a point I can't describe. Person A is now with a family but is immensely supportive of person B's life and affairs. There were a couple of incidents where person A deliberately gives person B the opportunity to humiliate me. I want nothing more than to move on with my own life but I can't get out of the circumstances I'm in which forces me to be in contact with them. The distress I'm in is the result of many things:
1. Dealing with how things ended up and accepting that A is on a different path forever.
2. Accepting that I can't be in contact with A anymore, not even as an acquaintance and the cause of it all was person B.
3. Watching person A so attentive and supportive of person B who happens to be the main cause of my misery.
4. Watching person B simply enjoy the situation and attention knowing how it's making me feel- same goes for A.
5. Walking away means accepting things the way they are, meaning I have to accept feeling defeated by B and although on a superficial level there's nothing between A and B, I feel B got to have her last laugh at the expense of my pain.
6. Walking away means having the courage to open my heart to new things and I can't do that because the level of pain I feel is enough to keep me sitting in bed all day crying my eyeballs out at this stupidity.
7. Other parts of my life are not well tuned which means every time they decide to appease me, it's a domino effect for all the other parts of my life.
6. Accept that person A will always be in person B's life and my existence and the time I invested for 10 years feels like it meant nothing for anyone.
I am wise enough to understand that I can't change fate or the situation but the emotional pain I feel is too much to tolerate. I need someone to help me find a way to deal with it better.
Is "B" perhaps a family member? Why can you not just walk away from it all? It's sad that in so many cases, few people can be trusted. Many of us have learned that lesson the hard way. I say, who cares what others think. Take the high road and eliminate those that cause you pain or drama. Even after many years of knowing people, change is inevitable and sometimes it's in a non productive way. Sounds like "A" is just as bad as "B" as an active participant.
The healthiest way to move on from things like this is to put it behind you. Accept that they shared information that hurt you, but realize that everybody has been through this. (To lesser or greater extents.) Hopefully this will help you move on. But that does not explain or forgive their behavior.
Come up with a short statement to make to them when you see them and they are actively trying to hurt you. (The word active is critical for this.) Say something like "That was then, things are different now" No emotion, just say it and move on. Do not vary the wording in response to anything they might say. This sends the message that you have moved on.
Even if you have not moved on, the more often you say you have the more you actually HAVE moved on!
I hope some of this helps.
Gentle hugs.
There is an old saying that people can not hurt our feelings without our consent. Are you waiting for an apology? I doubt that you will get one, so please make other plans. Do NOT let them mean anything to you!
I'll try to help you with the best things I can. Don't lose faith in yourself, then everything will go well and fine.
I tell you one of my favorite quote:
"Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick.
Don't lose faith"
Papperman, I am giving everyone a free pass, that's true. I'm just too tired right now at a point in my life with no energy to be the 'ideal' version of myself to deal with anything. When I feel so motivated to make big changes, it's as if everyone feels it and thats when I crash and I can't get back up again quickly.
Himanshu, thanks.
If I see any of them happy, it makes my blood boil because I remember the times when I was literally falling apart inside and I kept receiving one slap after another from both of them. I spent more than 6 years in a job I absolutely hated being treated like trash, dealing with illness AND heartbreak yet at the time no one felt any inclination to feel sorry for me or think twice about breaking the boundaries with me. Whereas if you look at the things B complains about- the most silliest things on the planet, yet A finds it almost a DUTY to run for the rescue. It kills inside.
I know I shouldn't be comparing and I should just distract my thinking but it's so difficult. I can't help feeling depressed. It's turning me into this hateful person which I never was while they're living the best years of their lives. It's so sad.
It just worked out that way. They went on to be really good youth soccer coaches, and I went on to be a really adequate youth soccer coach. It hurt for a while, but then I learned that just because the door you want closes doesn't mean that all doors close. I wanted to be a coach, but I became a good referee and taught referee classes attended by well over a hundred people.
I was happy being a referee, but once I accepted that coaching was not in the cards for me I was even happier being a referee. Guess my point is that the best way to get over your former friends (especially A and B) is to get a new circle of friends.
Continuing hugs
Thank you again for the support
Something that may help is getting out and meeting other friends. Perhaps a group hobby or a church?
Continuing hugs