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its sex right between family? see im think im ok now from wat my cousin did to me but idk if it was incest...he tried to kiss me once but i bit his tongue/..he put his finger in me, he performed oral on me, and just other sexual doings.....im just wondering because im watching oprah now....he didnt actually have sex with me....i wanted to ask my therapist but i forgot and now he wont take me back.
this question has always been in my head.....im still ashamed embarrassed but the flashbacks are not intense anymore now i think i can deal with it.
btw i was 9-12
he was 15-18
everyone calls it a kid thing
this question has always been in my head.....im still ashamed embarrassed but the flashbacks are not intense anymore now i think i can deal with it.
btw i was 9-12
he was 15-18
everyone calls it a kid thing
He was a teenager. Teenagers know better than that. At least they should.
What he did was wrong. It was wrong because it was a teenage boy touching a small child, not because it was family. "Incest" is taboo in most societies for reasons of pedigree - procreation with relatives can cause a lot of defects in offspring, especially if it is over a number of generations. I don't believe the taboo against incest is a moral thing at all, but functional. That being said, it is so far ingrained into us that is has developed moral connotations, and most of us (myself included) are very grossed out by the thought to banging family members..
But on the moral front, what he did was wrong because it was a teenager doing things to a child who was simply too young to understand what was happening and unable to stop it. It doesn't matter whether or not intercourse happened - he touched you where he shouldn't have and that is not ok.
I really hope that you find the strength to get past this and live a long and fulfilling life. How long has it been since you were in therapy? Do you feel you need to go back?
Your cousin was wrong. He was only 15, there's no excuse!
You know what you're doing at 15, it's not a kid thing.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statutory_rape
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_molestation
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incest
What to specifically call what happened would be very hard to determine because the terms mean different things in different legal jurisdictions.
I can offer you my personal opinion ... What happened to you was wrong and should not have happened, but you are the victim and he was the perpetrator. It was wrong for him to do that. You were a victim and not responsible for what happened.
It is POSSIBLE this was a crime he committed. If you think so or think he is doing that to others now, you MIGHT want to 'make something of it' which would probably involve reporting what happened to 'someone' .. parents, school counselors ... whatever. This will result in an investigation, possibly testifying in court, and his possibly going to jail or prison based on his doing this when he was 18 (or even younger).
This kind of thing is not acceptable and when it does happen, it is very wrong. It happens a lot, though. Most people who have had this happen are ashamed and embarrassed, .. but they are not the guilty party. It is sad and 'not right' that they feel guilty. They are not the one that did the 'bad thing'.
These are only my opinions and I am trying to help you see that:
1. It was wrong.
2. It happens a lot.
3. You are not 'guilty'.
4. He made a huge mistake and should not have done that.
5. He very well might have committed a crime.
6. It is good that there was not a much worse outcome.
7. To some point, it was a 'kid thing' but because of the age difference it is a bit worse than that.
8. You have NO legal, moral, or social reason to feel bad about yourself.
9. Learn that this CAN happen in case you ever have children of your own .. so you can be aware and prevent it.
but i got a warning from my dad to becareful wen it was too late he warned me at 12. my mom never told me anything and neither did the fam....so yea....i did manage to read my journals to my therapist and she said she was proud of me and after than my dad refused to take me
ive been trying to tlk to him soo nicely and he blew me off...told me to stop bothering, bullying him, pressure him.....he said if i cant find the words to describe wat im feeling then he doesnt have to do anything.....so far ive put a hole in the wall, cut, screamed, cause destruction in my room, and cried....ive been crying almost everyday
but she wasnt gonna tell him that i go to her....i have an appt on wed so ill ask if she tlkd to him
I'm a little worried though about how she is going to manage to talk to your dad without letting on that you are seeing her... will he be angry if he finds out you have been going to her? I don't know anything about your dad, but from what I have gleaned from everything you've said on this thread and elsewhere I'm not sure he sounds like someone that you want to anger..? Maybe it would be best if your counselor at school helped you get the help you need without your dad knowing....
I think you should stay away from that as you will most likely regret it.
If you want a significant other find someone else.
she is talking about wanting therapy but her dad won't let her....
as for standing up to him by telling people at school about what her cousin did.. I don't think that is the best course of action - that is just inviting more trouble. The last thing she needs at this point is more trouble....
I'd say continue seeing this woman at school and see if she can help you get the professional help you need while bypassing your parents.