I have never been this low in my life. I actually started to cry this morning because I woke up. My marriage is a joke, over a year of counseling has not helped. He moved into the guest room 5 years ago and will not touch me. He puts himself first ALWAYS. For example, yesterday he told me to call our ISP as we have been having some internet issues. I called and they told me they would stop by today, could not give us a time, but would call first. I said ok because he is off on Tuesdays. He had a fit because he wanted to go for a jog...he refused to wait until after the repairman came.. I had work. No one was here when the repair person showed up. Another example...I found one of my birds, a cockatiel spurting blood from under it's wing. I pleaded with him to drive us to the vet so I could hold the bird and keep him still. He said he had some things to do first and he was not going to hurry for a bird. My pet died at the vet's.

The nonsense with my mom continues. I spent another night in the ER with her because she was dizzy. They found nothing out of the ordinary. She was so nasty to me that night that I had to walk away and then the following day called as if nothing had happened between us. I am scared because I feel nothing when I see her cry. There is no urge for me to hug her or try to comfort her. What is wrong with me? I set up some more services for her. When she gives them trouble, they call me to deal with her. That is not helping!!!

I like my job. My hours were cut and in order to keep collecting unemployment, I have to apply for 3 jobs a week. First of all.....that's a lot of work, and secondly...I have been where I am for 23 years!!! I am comfortable there!! I don't want another job! And I could retire in 8 years!! What if the new place won't let me go on the vacations I already planned and paid for.

I want to go to bed and stay there.