Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Loneliness is painful and leaves one with a gnawing pain. A desperate longing to be loved as well as understood. In school, I was ridiculed while I watched people experiencing joy that I longed for with intense emotions. Feeling overwhelmed, I am constantly neglecting my responsibilities which only gets worse with the passage of time. As the years have gone by I have experienced tears, sorrow, misery and pain. In my life, I have felt excluded, overwhelmed by life and this never-ending sorrow is relentless.
I never went on dates, I never had parties... I did not have a cake on my birthday, I had a muffin and no one went to my birthday and I sat in a dark room alone crying. At school, I was often bullied and beat up. This left me with pain deep within my soul. I reached out and opened my heart up to girls which ended in pain that I will never forget...
My home is as neglected and lonely, just like me. I receive voicemails, I get messages and people speak to me. I am constantly letting my boss down, professors at school, volunteer responsibilities. All the beautiful things that I could have done, all the work that I was supposed to do, it lies there alone far beyond the deadline set for it. My walls are filled with failure and misery, my home is a place of broken dreams, a place full of screaming and pain. A place of death.
There has not been a single month in my life where I have not broken down in depression since my teenage years. I was a bright happy child but I never lived up to my potential. I saw disappointed faces staring at me, I saw people shake their heads at me, I saw people spit at me and look down on me. When I tried to reach out for aid, I found that people were too busy or they simply did not care.
There is an old saying that sometimes you must pick yourself by the bootstraps. I have strong, thick laces on my boots. I know how to tie that noose... I just need to know where... It has not come to me yet but maybe it will someday. It feels so sharp, I know it would work quickly. I just need a quick way because I know if I knife myself I will just first aid myself and shooting would be too obvious... it must be discreet. I am just overwhelmed by academics, life, emotions and thought. I want the sun to set.
I never went on dates, I never had parties... I did not have a cake on my birthday, I had a muffin and no one went to my birthday and I sat in a dark room alone crying. At school, I was often bullied and beat up. This left me with pain deep within my soul. I reached out and opened my heart up to girls which ended in pain that I will never forget...
My home is as neglected and lonely, just like me. I receive voicemails, I get messages and people speak to me. I am constantly letting my boss down, professors at school, volunteer responsibilities. All the beautiful things that I could have done, all the work that I was supposed to do, it lies there alone far beyond the deadline set for it. My walls are filled with failure and misery, my home is a place of broken dreams, a place full of screaming and pain. A place of death.
There has not been a single month in my life where I have not broken down in depression since my teenage years. I was a bright happy child but I never lived up to my potential. I saw disappointed faces staring at me, I saw people shake their heads at me, I saw people spit at me and look down on me. When I tried to reach out for aid, I found that people were too busy or they simply did not care.
There is an old saying that sometimes you must pick yourself by the bootstraps. I have strong, thick laces on my boots. I know how to tie that noose... I just need to know where... It has not come to me yet but maybe it will someday. It feels so sharp, I know it would work quickly. I just need a quick way because I know if I knife myself I will just first aid myself and shooting would be too obvious... it must be discreet. I am just overwhelmed by academics, life, emotions and thought. I want the sun to set.
deleted_user
Your profile doesn't say if you're on meds or in therapy. Which is a very good place to start to get help.
gustokitty
Professors, boss, volunteer responsibilities? Friend4U2, I'm guessing you are still fairly young 20something? 30? at most. No matter what your age, you have time to turn this around. I agree with EdisonC, but also want to say you need energy to love and care for yourself, and you are worth it. But it may take the right therapist and time for you to feel that deep down. And to look at the things that have given you a warped sense of self. Because whatever they were, came from warped places , warped perception, damaged individuals, etc. It is not the truth.
gramybear
It is very obvious that you are crying out for help. That old saying about "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps" is a load of crap. We all deal with sorrow, pain, and cruelty in different ways. I was bullied from the age of 7 or maybe even younger for all I know and all the way up into my 20's. The worse part is that I would rather have been physically bullied because that pain will heal, as with emotional bullying, it does not heal so easily. You are not alone with what you have gone through. Find different sites on DS that will help you deal with what you are going through and post in the crisis board as often as you need to. I hope that if you are not on medication, that you will talk to a therapist or an MD and see what kind of help you can get to help you deal with it all. We are here as well to support you. just ask. Okay? Hugs GB
Join the Conversation