Relying on pills to live a more stable life is better than not living at all. I've been on meds for the last 20 years, and I've been able to experience some happy times, along with some bad times. Try to do something that brings you joy, even if it's something very small. These things add up and make life worth living.

You have a reason why you're feeling the way you do. I don't know what meds you're talking about but if you still feel like ending your life then there is no dought in my mind you're not on the right meds.
Am I hearing that you feel because you take meds that no one will accept you or love you, much less be your friend? I am 50 years young. I have been on Anti-Depressants since my early twenties. I would get on them and get off of them. I would look at the girl laughing next to me and say to myself, " Why God why can't I be normal?? Why do I get depressed and have Mood Swings and all this anxiety?? Why can't I be normal like that person or this person?? Or I would meet a guy who would come into my life and talk me out of taking my medicine because he thought that I didn't need them. Ugg this happened for years until I was in my 30's and I was trying ONCE AGAIN to get off my meds. I looked at my children and I was losing my patience with them and feeling crazy inside and I made a decision at that moment that my children didn't ask to be brought into this world, I owe it to them to take my medicine. After that I went to a counceler and she told me plain and simple," If you had Chronic Pain or you had migraines you would have to take medicine, right, and you wouldn't be ashamed of it, right??" I said, "Thats right". It was then that I realized that not only did I need to take medication to be a better mother and wife but I needed to take them for my own piece of mind.
I absolutely believe in Chemical imbalances and that they are hereditary. My mother was Melancholic , she would cry all the time. My aunt and cousins all depressed dealing with issues of anxiety.
You've got nothing, NOTHING to be ashamed of. Get on the right meds and live the precious journey called 'LIFE'.

You asked about how you could have a friend. Is there some group or church you could join just to meet people? if you can find a Celebrate Recovery meeting in your area, there are many kind people there, and also others there who struggle with depression and can relate to your feelings. Or maybe there is some other meeting/place you could go to meet people?

I am on kidney dialysis to maintain life. It is certainly difficult to realize that if I don't show up 3 times a week I could die. It's hard to get here sometimes when depression is winning temporarily.

A lot of what causes us to stay in depression is our own thinking. Focus on your internal dialogue and work on changing it as best as you can.
For example: if you think, ' I wish I were dead' then try to make it a less negative statement. 'I wish I were dead but I'm not so I may as well try to have a better day'. It is not easy to change this type of thinking but it is worth it.

I went for therapy for many years to learn this. It takes much effort and sometimes I give up. But because I am not ready to die yet I keep trying.

People who have chronic illness often suffer from depression. It's tough being us. You might want to consider asking your doctor for medication. Good luck

Where is a place in London where I coulde meet New people? Really need some friend otherwise I will colapse.

Hopefully you can find a therapist. Trying taking a few steps and hope for the best. I had a friend who was quite depressed. He was unemployed and had no savings, had heart problem and multiple health issues, and was having problems paying bills. His wife was unhappy and his children suggested he sell their house and many had criticism for him, while he seemed to blame the government for all his problems.

Fast forward, he got a six figure job and is doing well, went on a fancy vacation, his candidate won, success breeds respect, and he is looking forward to the next few years.

Hi Alex 94 I'm guessing wildly that you're about 22 yrs old? Born in 94? .. just a guess.

I don't know who you can meet in London but there is meetups.com which probably has meetups all over the world. Otherwise just go out drinking I guess.

I hope you're okay. You've got depressed thinking. You only have to takea pill twice a day to survive: I know people who have to check every meal, give themselves injections five times a day, or they die. My nephew is a type 1 diabetic. I'd hate to think of him killing himself at 22 thinking nobody could love him.

I am sure your parents couldn't bear to think of you thinking this. Give them a call. Ask them how they're doing. Or your sister, or your brother. Someone from home. You need friends, and you need to feel some love from someone who cares about you.

Things will get better. They're pretty crap right now, but life can get better pretty fast if you get out there, get into it, take care of yourself and remember you're really important to someone. Even if that's someone you haven't met yet.

I'm sorry to hear this, I understand how you feel. First there's nothing wrong with you taken medication, I have to take 2 different kinds to cope! I'm here if you need a friend