Then don't go, Cheryl. You will not get well if you keep doing the things that make you sick.

But then you may say "But I will be just as sick if I don't do what everyone expects me to do. The y will be disappointed. They will worry. They will pester me with phone calls. They ..................."

I take so many meds ...........

Find out if those meds are counteracting against each other.

The TRUTH sets you free. If you truly do not want to go, call your parents and ask if they can both get on the phone. Either way, TELL THEM THE TRUTH ... that coming there is OVERWHELMING and you cannot do it.

Assure them you are and will be SAFE. Tell them suicide is not in the picture (which I assume is the TRUTH) unless it IS in the picture.

You have to start managing your life .. meds working or not. You are not suicidal because you do not want to die. Suicide is NO SOLUTION and you know it. The SOLUTION is medical care and that includes feedback to your DOCTOR. Ask questions about your meds if you have any.

Recovery from a suicide attempt can take some time ... and holidays have heaped anxiety on top of that. Planning the trip was a mistake. People make mistakes all the time. Promise YOURSELF .. no more suicide ... it will never happen.

All this are steps to recovery ... and management of depression/anxiety. It is part of recovery .. knowing and doing what is best for you ... but do it gracefully where otherrs are concerned.

Get the pressure of the trip off your back ... then tell your doctor about motivational problems. Then TRY ..... hard .... to motivate. Meds and EFFORT ... recovery.

And .... you and I have a deal ... NO SUICIDE .... right???

I have a different perspective...I hear you about the sense of overwhelm, but is it possible that you might verbally share your concerns with your family, but still go, and perhaps surprise yourself at having some good "connecting times"? I think planning is key here. Let your family know that because of the overwhelm, you'll need some alone time in Vegas, then, while there, try to balance the alone time with together time. Given your suicide attempt, I think they have reason to be concerned; if you allay their fears by being with them over the holidays, you may be doing them, and yourself a big favor. Again...be open with them about your needs, plan your alone and together times...

I am not suicidal at this point just depressed still. I promise. I made these plans during a manic time when everything sounded so good. I called the airlines and my tickets are non refundable. I guess I am going to going to be out money or feel guilty I just want Thursday to be here to talk to therapist. I don't want to spoil husband vacation either. I just don't know what to do. I feel very selfish. I wish I could snap out of this.

The holidays are a hit or miss thing with me. I try to be happy for them, and over the years I have found what works for me. Mostly I do not want to be rushed into the holidays.

Some people look at Thanksgiving as the starting gun for the Christmas season. It was like a starting gun was fired off at sunrise on the Friday after Thanksgiving when I was expected to start singing Christmas music, decorate the halls and all that.

Crap, I just wanted to finish experiencing Thanksgiving before starting Christmas.

Then I did not appreciate having to ramp up into hyper christmas mode so fast. Give me the time to warm up to it.


Sorry to make this about me, guess I'm trying to suggest looking into yourself to find what will make it good for you. Talk to your parents and let them know that you are really having trouble getting excited. They should know you really well, and perhaps they can help you do the holidays in a way that will minimize your feelings of being overwhelmed.

Gentle hugs

DONT GO.
I WOULDNT.
MY MOM IS IN A NURSING HOME AND I DONT FEEL UP 2 GOING AND SEEING HER.
SHE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE.
I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR.
GBU
DRENA B
;-O

I was estranged from my son and daughter for a period of two years. It is a devastating experience to go through. My kids were on my mind 24/7 I attempted suicide shortly after the estrangement began. And over the next 2 years I was hospitalized 5 times. I feel for you, I believe I know what you are going through. I am so sorry that you and your daughter are estranged from one anther no matter what the reason is. This is something that is very personal and very difficult for a parent to have to deal with, it is a very heavy burden to bear. and the holidays only make things that much harder to deal with. And yes I felt guilty putting my family through so much. I lost all interest in the Holidays Even now that I have been reunited with my kids I still don't have much interest in the holidays. I just go through the motions for everyone else. And you haven't had much time to put the suicide attempt behind you. It is something that will take time as well. My parents love me very much but they live very close by and I can see them anytime. It sounds like you have parents that love you very dearly as well but they live very far away from you. For that reason alone I suggest you go and spend some time with them. It may be quite awhile before you will be able to see them again. I'm glad you have a therapist to talk to be patient Thursday is not that far away even though it seems like it right now. Remember meds are not a magic bullet, they never were for me so don't put all your eggs in one basket by expecting so much from them to fix your depression. I think you will get more from a trusted therapist then any medication right now. It's clear you need someone to talk to. I pray you feel better, johnnyboy

You and I both! I am leaving to go to Jamaica on Friday and I feel not the least bit of excitement. Depression just sucks the life out of you and it isn't fair.

I called my parents last night. I shorten my trip. I leave Monday to Monday instead of 2 weeks. I explained to them I love them but still am not 100%. They were very understanding. I told them not to plan anything we will take each day as it comes. Thank you so much for your replies they mean the world to me. My therapist and me will work on my daughter issues and I will accept the fact my meds are not magic pils that depression is a black hole that takes time and work to get out of.

Good for you!

I am so happy for you that you found a compromise that worked for you all!!!

I am glad that you are going and decided to take each day as it comes. I think not having any plans, thus no obligations, was a good idea. It also leaves room for you maybe even enjoying yourself.

GLAD U R GOING........................
ENJOY YOURSELF......................
GBU
DRENA
;-]

You did the right thing opening up to your parents and shedding some light on how you truly feel right now. They will be in a much better position to accomadate you now that the lines of communication are open now and they are nolonger in the dark about what you are experiencing right now as you work through a very difficult depression. I'm glad you are making the time to see them and I pray you have a very pleasant and relaxing time spent with your family. johnbyboy

You have to look hard at the concept of guilt. i think you're applying it to too much stuff that it doesn't apply to.

The purchase of airline tickets. Nobody died. The money is now gone. Whether you go on holiday or not, the money is already gone. If you go you don't get any money back. So it's a sunk cost, and not to be considered in the question of whether you go or not.

Your mum is probably missing you like you are missing your daughter, and will have an empty space in her heart when you are not there, the way you have with your daughter. You don't have to be happy with your mother. You don't have to be enthusiastic with your mother. You don't have to be excited with your mother.

If you show the real you, you can start letting some stuff out, and stop carrying it. Whenever you fakeify yourself I bet it costs you extra energy. I cannot even do it any more: I can't lie the tiniest bit.

If people ask how I am, and I don't want to say 'miserable and depressed' I say 'oh, not dead yet!' in a kind of cheerful way. Or else 'ticking along' or something. Find a way to not tell people a lie, while not having to tell the truth. Protect your soul. :D

And is there any way you can talk to your darling girl again? My heart bleeds just hearing that, but what goes around comes around, and they all come home to mum in the end. :)

Now off you go to mum's and sit on the couch and put your head on her shoulder and stay there for a week. :)