I hear you and can understand how you feel. I've been there many times. Are there any support groups in your area you can go to? I just found a pshyciatrist in my area that has weekly support meetings for free. I've been to 2 so far. It found it just by looking through google searches. For me, I get more out of being with people that experienced depression. Have you talked to your counselor that you feel the meds don't seem to help? Maybe there is something else that might work better? I really hope this helps.

Thank you for replying, no there is nothing like that here either NHS or private sadly. Probably just as well as I don't do other people very well.

The counsellor isn't trained in medication so I spoke with my GP who has switched me to new meds that don't work either :(

I just don't know where to put myself.

Why do you think you are a horrible person? We all make big mistakes in life but it doesn't mean you are intrinsically bad. Be gentle with yourself. You will get through whatever you're experiencing right now. I hope you can find peace by talking to someone compassionate about your thoughts and feelings.

I do horrible things, I say horrible things it's just something takes over me when I'm stressed out and I cannot cope or control it and I'm just so alone it hurts to breathe.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're definitely not alone. Feel free to message me if you need to talk. I feel like I've said and done some terrible things also, but at some point we need to learn to put the guilt and shame behind us.

Thank you, I just don't want to bother anybody.

I'm sorry you feel this way. I feel this way often and it honestly sucks so I know what your going through. So sorry that counseling isn't helping. It's still hard for me to open up every week but I think it's helping slightly.

Maybe you need to try different meds? I've been on mine a while and they help a little

Hey BlondieBell!

Im sorry you're feeling so bad right now. How long have you been taking your meds? They take some time to kick in unfortunately.

I've also been feeling more suicidal lately and it sucks. Is there anything you like to do that helps?

I don't want you to feel like a horrible person. You're not! Your actions and thoughts aren't you at all. Try replacing that thought with something positive about yourself, or do something happy. Yoga helps me!

One of the side effects of pain meds is depression. You should definitely talk to your family doctor about this. You may need a change of meds. What has worked for me in the past is Zoloft and Lithium. Not together though. Lithium helped me the most. I was so depressed that I did not get out of bed.

I was up and moving, making plans for the future after about a week of trying Lithium. Stay away from Depacote, I had a problem with my hair falling out while on this med. Best wishes.

Hi I'm new to this group but I really wanted to reach out to you blondebell. I am going through hell and back plus my body feels like a got ran over and they backed up and ran over me again, Every second of the day I feel like I can't go on and yes death sounds so good sometimes. I think it is just nice to know that there is a way out of our own lives. I always try to remember that one thing that is good about life is that it is always changing nothing stays the same. If it does make it a point to change it. But I'm really sorry you are in a bad way. Let your new Meds time to work I know easy for me to say but it does take some time. Is there something you like to do.? I mean anything ?.. Please hang in there write me back if you want I'm just sitting here in the hospital watching the clock tick. Hugs and good thought to ya

Blonde Bell I am so sorry that you feel death is the only answer. You don't say about family/friends? Do you have family? If so, do they know how you feel? Have you thought about maybe volunteering at a animal shelter? Or maybe a place for disabled adults? Volunteering at a homeless shelter. Sometimes seeing others worse off makes us appreciate what we are and what we have. I just would hate to see someone who thinks that they've done horrible things hurt themselves. We all have done horrible things and said horrible things. I am married to a very hateful man and he doesn't deserve death. Please keep in touch. God bless you and think positive. People care.