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I want it all to end

sunsets1386
sunsets1386
My boyfriend of 3.5 years had been pushing me away since the beginning, he told me I am worthless have nothing to offer a failure etc. maybe he's right. I have nothing to offer. I'm in debt from student loans, have a low paying job, a dead beat father, and a grim future. i'm not sure what I ever did to get this slot in life. Tonight he told me I suffocate him when I see him maybe once a week and talk to him maybe once a day. I get so attached to people and used to live with him off and on. He told me he love s me but I forced him to say it before he really meant it. Where did that even come from. He tells me he loves me everyday and now I feel like it was all some joke. I feel hopeless and broken and can't seem to find a reason to wasn't to wake up tomorrow. I can't breathe. I want out of this life. I've had endured nothing but pain with brief glimpses of hope our happiness and i'm tired of feeling this way. I've told him before I wanted to kill myself but tonight I mean it. I dint have anything left. When I was taking xanax I could numb it all out. I feel too much. I love too much and I can't hurt like this anymore. Thank you to anyone who has given me support in the past but i'm done with this cruel, unfair, cold world. The bad outweighs the good.
gettingitstraight
gettingitstraight
please dont talk like that its not a good thing, being in debt is normal and everoen starts off low down be so down on yourself. you see like you are a great person
gettingitstraight
gettingitstraight
accidentily hit the button, we all go through rought times, no boyfriend or anything is worth wanting to end it, you have a fulll life ahead if that guys not worthy one that is will come along and before you know it, you will not even remember this guy, as for the job, we all start out struggling, its not an easy road but take deep breaths and perservere
scurrie
scurrie
I know for sure you are not wortjless. My ex used to say that about me and it is one of the worse things you can say about anyone. You are totally worth so much. Maybe you guys just aren't a good fit together. Everybody is worthwhile. Please don't hurt yourself. I have been where you are and things can get better I promise.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are not worthless. You have a lot of love to offer the right man, it's just a matter of time.
I do know how you feel because my ex treated me awful, told me I was fat and ugly, a terrible housekeeper, etc. etc. and nothing I did was ever up to his standards.
I put up with his abuse (and that's what it is, emotional abuse) for 10 years "for my child's sake" and "to be a good Christian" and to please my family and his mother. Be glad you haven't wasted ten years of your life with him.
Things will get better, you are still young.
deleted_user
deleted_user
What others are saying is so true! Despite how you feel about this right now. You desperately need to discuss your feelings, but I can already say this with complete conviction: You are full of more intelligence, strength, and worth than you are even aware. And these qualities are inside of YOU. They are not and should not be confused with how ANYONE else views you or treats you. Yes... it's certainly next to impossible to see the forest thru the trees right now, but you DO have a future, and you have SO SO much to offer and experience in this world. That is one thing that I promise you.

PLEASE.. I beg you to rely upon the support of family, friends, therapy, etc. They will help you to see a perspective that you are currently not seeing. They will give you the support and subsequently the strength that you need to get beyond this point. There is not even enough space here for me to begin to tell you what a valuable and awesome person you are, but I assure you that it's true.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you are really thinking about ending your pain, please call your local crisis line. If you don't have the number, try 1-800-SUICIDE. They will connect you to your local crisis center. You are very worthwhile and you deserve to be happy. Please, before you do anything, give them a call.

Annie
ZAZAS
ZAZAS
Sounds to me that rather than end your life you need to end that relationship and start a better life. They belittle you so you think no one wants you. That is not true. There are plenty of fish in the sea. As for you student loans you can call, get them consolidated and have the amount due each month based on your salary. They are very nice and understanding.and even if you can't pay that amount they will help you find a payment you can make. Good luck with you and please call the ER if these feelings persist.
braintired
braintired
This guy is not your boyfriend but your boyenemy . Run like crazy away from him! He has stressed you out and you are exhausted by trying to love someone who is abusing you. Run! Run! Run! Maybe first to a hospital and get taken care of for awhile until you get your strength back. There are good people out there and Ill bet you are one of them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel the exact way so idk if I would give anything helpful. I hope you get the help you deserve.
Bistro
Bistro
I just wanted to say I Really appreciate how you Worded your post.

Same words, but different arrangement.

I've seen too many people say "I want to end it all" - you said you just want it (all the feelings and things) all to end. THAT you can have. Take your time. Pick it apart, learn, you'll get there.
gettingitstraight
gettingitstraight
i posted first on this and i sent a friend request to try and talk to her to calm her down does anyone know anyone on her friends lists she she has her profile private so someone can talk to her
deleted_user
deleted_user
I haven't heard from Sunsets and am worried about her. I am on her friend's list, sent her a message after she posted in the anxiety group, no reply :-/
gramybear
gramybear
You are not worthless! I had an ex that told me I was useless and would never amount to anything. Secure people don't have the need to put others down, especially someone they are suppose to care about. He obviously isn't a very secure person.