Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm a single mom by choice(broke off my engagement due to my ex's infidelity), and I'm just finishing up school, planning to go back for another degree, and I feel completely alone. My parents died when I was 17 and 18yrs old, so my kids never met them, and I live in South Dakota. I wasn't born here but relatives are an hour or so away. It's like not having any relatives at all, since everyone is self absorbed and only cares of themselves. After many years on a one way street, and being the one constantly giving I just stopped. No one calls, unless they want something from me and I hate that. The only time someone speaks about the next person is to speak negatively, so I just distanced myself from them, they are just so toxic. My son recently told me while in a department store, that he wishes I had a mom and a dad, I almost lost it on the spot. It's really a touchy subject for me, so touchy that I've never talked to him about my parents and he's 5yrs old. It's so not fair that they don't have extended family, and thinking about it sometimes is just so emotionally and physically draining. When I do reach out to support groups/forums, I get so annoyed with these generic responses to reach out to a church/volunteer at a nursing home/or marry into a good family.
1. I'm not rushing marriage to have an extended family.
2. I've been a cna for over 7yrs and no I'm not interested in that. I want a family who is going to be able to participate in daily living activities.
3. Just because someone goes to church doesn't mean they are good people.
I want someone who has a similar wanting for bonding and who is genuine but I also don't tell people of the situation as I'm very private. I don't go around telling people my sob story! I just want the relationship I never had with parental figures, and I am understanding that it may never happen, and I'm willing to deal with and hide that pain.
However, when it comes to my kids, knowing he's feeling the pain from that void literally tears me up inside and I don't know what to do!
When you're doing things alone it's literally one step forward two steps back, when you have no support system. Everything I know, I learned it on my own. Any mistake can be detrimental to me and my children's quality of life. That's something that most people my age don't understand, which makes it even harder to socialize and make friends! I'm not envious of others families because I think it's awesome that they have that, but it's hard to befriend people who can't relate to you or is competitive and trying to compete with you when there isn't a leveled playing field. I hate not having a support system, it's like the weight of the world is always on my shoulders.
After so many set backs in life, I'm finally close to where I want to be, with one degree and hopefully pursuing another soon, I should be so happy but I'm genuinely not!
Sorry for the rant but I had to let it out, my son made that statement to me two days ago and it's just really on my mind!
1. I'm not rushing marriage to have an extended family.
2. I've been a cna for over 7yrs and no I'm not interested in that. I want a family who is going to be able to participate in daily living activities.
3. Just because someone goes to church doesn't mean they are good people.
I want someone who has a similar wanting for bonding and who is genuine but I also don't tell people of the situation as I'm very private. I don't go around telling people my sob story! I just want the relationship I never had with parental figures, and I am understanding that it may never happen, and I'm willing to deal with and hide that pain.
However, when it comes to my kids, knowing he's feeling the pain from that void literally tears me up inside and I don't know what to do!
When you're doing things alone it's literally one step forward two steps back, when you have no support system. Everything I know, I learned it on my own. Any mistake can be detrimental to me and my children's quality of life. That's something that most people my age don't understand, which makes it even harder to socialize and make friends! I'm not envious of others families because I think it's awesome that they have that, but it's hard to befriend people who can't relate to you or is competitive and trying to compete with you when there isn't a leveled playing field. I hate not having a support system, it's like the weight of the world is always on my shoulders.
After so many set backs in life, I'm finally close to where I want to be, with one degree and hopefully pursuing another soon, I should be so happy but I'm genuinely not!
Sorry for the rant but I had to let it out, my son made that statement to me two days ago and it's just really on my mind!
You have many things going for you .. you are young, you are independent, you are a good Mother, you are educated, ... and you are sad. You are sad because of a very sad event(s) ... the early death of your parents. Sad indeed.
There is something that has been adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous. Neither you nor I are alcoholics to my knowledge, but the thing I refer to is the Serenity Prayer .. its words are good advice for anyone. I am not pushing prayer on you .. simply the advice contained in THAT prayer. Shall I quote it? Sure:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
Good words .. for anyone .. even Atheists.
Depressed? Perhaps .. perhaps not. In any case, Children are very, VERY, resilient .. and though it is nice to have Grandparents, many children have less than that, and still have 'good' lives. Gotta more or less, work with what ya got.
I don't think you can change S. Dakota culture .. or 'family' dynamics. What is happening, is regret ... regret of lost parents, regret that remaining family does not show the love you expect, regret that your environment does not provide what you need.
This tells me you have one choice and that is to move elsewhere ... and know, in so doing it may for other reasons be worse, .. or much better. We cannot have life entirely the way we want it, .. but we can make effort to make it as much as we can ... and this requires taking chances.
What should you do??? I don't know .. but that answer lies within you, and as you make assessments, the inspiration will come. Meanwhile, you are doing a good job of dealing with what you have.
Whether you are clinically depressed or not, there are quizzes available which supposedly tell you if you are. If you are, being in the medical profession, you know you need to seek medical care for it. If you think you may be, it is VERY important to get an evaluation, diagnosis, and treatment plan. Clinical depression is progressive, serious, and without treatment, it CAN kill you ... or worse.
If my opinion is worth anything, .. you are an exceptional person with great qualities ... and may need a consultation with the 'right' medical professional to see if you need help.
Otherwise, time, and planning will improve your situation ... I do believe.
Your reaction to it is much much bigger than his. you can see all that he is missing out but he doesn't.
Does that make sense? For now he's pretty darn happy with the mum he's got. he wants grandparents so that he can talk to the other kiddies in school about going to grandma's house and that's about all there is to it. He's not devastated.
You are the one who is suffering.
I'm a solo mum, and I find my stress levels go down when I have money in the bank. With nobody to turn to if things go sour, money is my go to guy. Money is my boyfriend, Money fixes the car, money fixes the dishwasher. money is my only friend... :D
Heh. With acceptance of my lot has come a certain peace. And with that peace has come a certain way of behaving with other people, which some of them seem to like. So basically whatever pheromone of stress we give off when stressed that keeps the cool people away, when we get ourselves together and say 'this is us, on our little boat, rowing across the Pacific ocean to a better land' we exude a happiness that others then want a piece of.
I would say to be happy in the now. I wish my kids were little again. I would be less strung out, more patient, and I would enjoy every minute without fear.
all the best. :)
My dad's father died when my dad was quite young. (Suicide) I think that dad never really came to terms with it. I just found out in the last year what my grandfather's full name was.
I know that there are groups along the lines of 'Parents Without Partners'. Not sure if it is a dating service, a peer support group, or a bit of both.
Anyway, sending good vibes your way