One of the biggest fears I have is that I would become totally dependent on my children. No matter what I might say later in my delusional thoughts I hope they know what my wishes are. I know alternatives may be limited or impossible at the moment but taking care of yourself is essential. I hope you can carve out a little time to enjoy some peace. You are much stronger than what I am or could be doing. Hugs

Thank you for the encouragement. You're right about taking time for myself, even if I have to leave the house to do it. I am doing better today than when I wrote this. Thank you for reaching out!

My mother, who is 83, criticized me a lot growing up. Later in life she moved in with me and accused me of stealing from her, which I didn’t. It was a situation where neither of us could win. She and I both had anxiety issues. I walked around on egg shells until finally she moved in with my sister who is more stable emotionally than me. I was sad and mixed up at first, but it was also a relief. I didn’t have the fortitude to deal with her then. I do recommend you talk to a therapist, even if it’s just to vent to a person who is not emotionally connected. Getting the frustration out is a big help.

Is she completely disabled and it is necessary for you to care for her and have her live with you? If so, God bless your heart for doing this! It is hard, I know, and some days impossible. You definitely need to have and maintain boundaries and set aside time for just you. Do you have someone else that can help to give you those breaks? Is there an elderly day care near you? Do you have a place you can go to to get away, even in your home? Maybe a warm bath and book or music to have you time. Also, can you take her for walks? That would be good for both of you. Also, getting outside in the sun for a bit without sunscreen to soak up some vitamin D which is mood enhancing. Almonds or almond milk has magnesium which is very good to calm your mind body and spirit. Taking a quality multi vitamin is helpful to give you what you need in stressful times. It should also have extra magnesium and Bs, Bs give you focus and energy. Bless you, you are a God send to her, and I know it's hard. <3

If it's any consolation, my mother has put me through a meat grinder over the years. She pushed me to the brink of my sanity. In her elder years she contracted dementia. Lewy Body disease to be more specific. And as her illness progressed,, she was also behaving like a deranged 2 year-old child. She'd say terribly cruel things to me, and frequently throw temper tantrums. Her thinking and behavior became increasingly bizarre. And now she is a vegetable invalid on her death bed. I'm wondering if maybe your mother, Anna1212, may also have dementia. Hopefully not, but it's something to consider.

thank you all for writing. i don't think my mom has dementia yet, i pray she doesn't but our family is so screwed up that it gets to her too. my sister is an insane narcissist, my brother a deadbeat a hole and my dad is a physically violent and emotionally abusive narcissist. my mom is the best one aactully but i think it's partly that she has realtionships with my siblings and that causes more stress. i probabaly wouldn't have anything to do with either of them or my dad if i didn't feel i had to. i know this care taking things has a lot of highs and lows. the lows are really really rough. thank you for letting me vent here. it won't be the last time i'm sure. yes, once it cools off here that's a good idea to take her out for some short walks.