Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members
160,807 Posts
0 Online
Mental Health
/ Depression Support Group

I should just move out

Heidiclark
Heidiclark
I live in a very nice three bedroom ranch house in a quiet subdivision which would be for most people a dream come true but for me it is a constant nightmare and I am thinking of moving out. The problem is this house is my dad's---he is helping us buy it, but my dad is the reason I am such a mess with depression and mental illness and so I live in constant fear of him coming back here and hurting me all over again. I just dont' know what to do. My husband and son love this house and I am glad they do. For me, though, I can't function here at all and can only be marginally sane when we go on vacation since that means getting far away from my dad and him not knowing where I am. We have been here for a little over three years but to me it has felt like an eternity. Coming here was obviously a mistake since it has messed me up so badly. I just dont' know what to do. I feel like I should just move out until my dad dies, then move back----I dont' know.... I am just so lost...
lovemypreciousfamily
lovemypreciousfamily
Explain to your husband the situation. Sell the house and get away from him, maybe rent a house and buy another ranch/ home somewhere else. Don't let him control you. You shouldn't have to live in fear from anyone, especially who's job it is to protect you.
Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet
>>my dad is the reason I am such a mess with depression and mental illness and so I live in constant fear of him coming back here and hurting me all over again.

As I see it, you have two choices:

Counseling/therapy whereby you end up no longer fearing him.

Get out of or beyond his reach.
PinterestFan
PinterestFan
Even if you get counseling, you know that isn't the right place for you.
You need to become independent of your birth father, not be obligated to him or bound to him in any way.

If anyone is dismissing your emotional pain, and telling you "It's just
a house" - they're wrong. Emotions are very strongly attached to objects, not just people. Your husband and son can love a house
that isn't connected to your very painful past.
===================================================
"The worst thing you can do about a situation is nothing."
sadiegirl13
sadiegirl13
Living in fear really isn't an option...does your husband know how you feel? Since you've tried living there for 3 years, and you're still feeling this way I would say that it's not working, and for your health and the overall health of your family you need to move. I hope that you can discuss your feelings with him and you guys can figure out a living situation that works for your family. I also think that therapy is a great idea, even after you move - it's really important to process the feelings about your dad whether they be fear before you move, or relief afterward, it can help you to feel better faster. Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think it would be wise telling your husband about how you really feel about living there, and to discuss about the possibilities there is for you right now. Your husband should understand, and perhaps you will both find a good solution to this sometime soon.

Me and my husband are planning on moving back to my homeland Norway in the nearest future sometime, and then we have decided living quite far away from my parents home. My parents seem to be have had in mind that we should move to a house on a farm area close by to their house in the past, they have always wanted to control my life, and they still seem this way even though I am now an adult and married. I would never feel happy living so close by to my parents, and having some long distances away from them will make everything a lot easier. We want to live our own life and not as they have thought it out in their minds. Now, they also have my two other sisters, so I am not the only child in their family.

I do think it might be a good idea moving away from there, you have your own family now. Your father/parents shouldn't have any more control over you, and you should live in a place where you feel comfortable and happy.