Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Destinyx 08/13/2017

I don't know how to cope with this. I don't have my child and because i feel like I'll never have him, I want to die! I can't live without him. I've been depressed for years and i was finally recovering when he was born. I was finally happy. I've never been so happy. Until, i lost him to someone else. It's a complicated story of how i lost him that i won't go into but i don't know how to get him back. I've tried everything i can. I just now have time. They say that "those who wait, get something good" but he was my something good. I waited so long for him. Just to have him for a couple months is not fair. So I've lost faith in God. If he is real why would he do this to me? I've never killed someone or worshipped anyone else. I always believed in him. I always seeked him in everything and i always thanked him for everything. But if he's so good, why would he take the only thing that makes me happy? Why me? Selfishly i ask myself that. I've tried suicide about 2 times and i felt so stupid for failing. So stupid and worthless. It's weird because i swallowed a lot of pills and the next day i woke up just fine. WTF. Nobody even noticed. I tried to cut my wrist but i couldn't go deep enough i guess. All i have now is scars. I'm so stupid i can't even kill myself. I tell myself i have no weaknesses but He is my only weakness. Everything else doesn't matter, only him. I think of him EVERY SINGLE DAY! When i wake up and before i go to sleep. Sometimes he's even in my dreams. I'm starting to forget his face and that just makes me want to die more. I literally can't live without him. Everyone expects me to move on with my life, but i can't. He is my life! I emotionally and physically can't forget him and move on. And i wouldn't want to. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. Having a child, makes you realize nothing but them matters. Its like, if you're starving and so are they, but you manage to find food, its not for you, its for them. Everything they love, you start to love. He loves the Jersey Boys and everytime i listen to them now i can't help but cry. You just want them to be happy forever. You want to be there to wipe their tears of joy and sadness. You want to be there for them, ALWAYS. You want to give them everything they want/need. You want to be there for their Birthday, every single one of them. You want to help them grow as a person. i miss waking up to his cries at 4am to feed him. I can't do any of these things and because i can't, i wanna die every single day.

Charlotte7598 08/13/2017

I for one can't have children, so I do empathize in a way. I'm always here if you need to talk, you can message me.

sharaninmd 08/13/2017

I am very sorry for your circumstances. Don't give up on God. Keep praying and believe. He will your prayers. Do not give up on fighting for your son. Please don't harm yourself for the sake of your son. Are you seeing a professional and or a therapist to help you cope with all of this? If not, I would recommend that you see a psychiatrist who can refer you to a therapist. It is important for you to talk about your loss and how you are feeling.

question 08/13/2017

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling like this. I know it is not easy to understand why God allows these things. I lost a parent in early life in a very traumatic way and have dealt with some very dark things in the lives of my family members throughout my childhood. One bad thing after another seemed to happen to me. I also used to self harm and struggled with suicide, I was actually hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. There was a time when I wondered if God was real, too. But I hope you don't misunderstand me; I have no idea what it's like to lose a child. It sounds absolutely terrible. And I really can't imagine how awful that must be. The only way I can try to relate is by sharing the trauma I've been through, even though it is certainly very different. But I will be praying for you to see God's love at work in your life again. Right now you are going through so much pain that it seems impossible to understand why God would allow this to happen. And even though I don't have the answers, I do know this is a dark world, and terrible things happen here because of that which we may not understand just now. Like how Joseph was sold into slavery or how Job lost his children, this world is full of suffering. Maybe take a moment to read through Job because he knew what it was like to go through incredibly dark days. But I do suggest you ask God to show Himself to you. Where He is in the midst of all this suffering. I think He will show you.
And you need to know this: you are NOT stupid or worthless. You are strong, and you are created in the image of God and I believe there is a reason you did not die from those pills.
I want you to be here tomorrow. And your son would too. Don't give up yet. We may not know the reason you are going through this, but I believe there is one. I'm asking you to just keep fighting, even though it seems impossible. Because even though your son is not with you right now, he would would be so hurt growing up knowing his mother was dead. I know what it's like to lose a parent and it hurts, bad. I know it's a lot to ask of you to hang on. But you can do it, and I believe if you ask God for the strength to carry on He can help you. I'm so sorry again that you are experiencing such a tragic situation. Again I will be praying that God will reveal Himself to you and that you will find the courage to face each day, even when it seems impossible.

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