I mean, there are days that I don't want to even think of getting out of bed. Much less want to do anything else cause I figure why bother, there is no one to impress.

im here if u want to talk.



Barb

Becca,.. welcome to DS. I am glad you have come here for support.

As you know, depression is a very, very hard thing to deal with. You mention doing "OK" until "fall hit". Seasonal depression is a real thing. I don't know if that is the problem, but it is likely.

We here at DS have plenty of experience but are very limited in what we can do for each other. Your best source of resolution is your doctor. From your post, it is important you inform your doctor of your current emotional state. He can adjust medication and help you the most. Know there are hundreds if not thousands of medications, so if you have tried a few, don't get discouraged. I urge you to consult with your doctor on your present condition.

As for the "cheating". Either he is/has or he isn't/hasn't. It is VERY important for you to know which it is. If you think he has/is and he hasn't ... this is very damaging. If you think he isn't/hasn't and he has/is, that is very damaging. You must get to the bottom of it so you can move forward "healthily".

Please get professional care with your present emotional state. Major depression MUST have professional care.

We will continue to support you best we can, so don't hesitate to post when you need what we have to offer.

"I mean, there are days that I don't want to even think of getting out of bed. Much less want to do anything else cause I figure why bother, there is no one to impress."

That is what depression does to us. You must battle it and "think it down". With effort and professional care, you can minimize or get rid of these feelings.
Good luck to you.

Have you seen a Psychiatrist or told you're doctor, hun?

to add or reiterate...

get some counseling too. I've found that a great deal of my own anxiety/depression *still* stems from insecurities ingrained when I was young. it sounds like your father did not provide a loving environment for you to build good self-esteem... you are lovable and you need to know it. a therapist or counselor can help you work through those issues. and in turn, you'll feel better about yourself and your relationships.

good luck.

I am going to REPEAT what others have said: Doctor, medication, counseling!

Talking to someone about your feelings that your SO may be cheating will help: those kinds of thoughts just get worse when you keep them in. Talking brings them out in the light so that you can look at them and see just what kind of animal they are--

AND--somedays--it's ok to stay in bed--

I have gone through the intake at the local mental health place, but my first therapy session isn't until January and they told me that I would have to see the therapist twice before they could get me in to see the doctor to see about getting a prescription fo rmy meds. What the heck am I supposed to do in the meantime? I mean darn it I am so tired of being sad and I am so tired of the pain. I feel like it will never end. As for the "I was ok until the fall hit," I have year round depression, but for some reason this year, when fall hit, it was like my depression kicked it up a notch.....you know what I mean?

Please try to hold on until you can get into those therapy sessions,..I know it seems like that is a lifetime away,..and I am so sorry you have to wait so long for them...but,..your depression will lift,..I know it will,..
I have been where you are,.and I had the same thoughts as you,.especially around the holidays,..my depression always got worse,..but now I am on meds that really help me,..and I am in therapy as well,... it was a difficult step for me to go through,..and it didn't happen overnight for me,...but I hung on,..it was worth it,..
In the meantime,.keep talking to us,..stay connected,.we are here to help,..as best we can,...if you want,..you can PM me,..Your not alone!!!!!

Becca, I think you can do things to help yourself. I find that writing out my mental conversations weaken their effect on me. For example, write down your mental talk about your mom. The longer you "talk" through her comments about you, the more you realize they aren't true! Another exercise that I hope you try is to minimize the things you don't like about yourself and emphasize those you do. Don't say "I am fat and ________ !" , say " I have good qualities and am a good, loving person. I am working on my weight problem but that does not define me!"
Don't wait for anyone. Heal yourself, accept help from others. Every day I take positive steps to be a better me I have a better day!
Ciao