I can't totally relate, except to the depression part. I am so sorry you are going through this!! There will be more people on here to help you better then I can. Please understand that you are not alone.

I am sorry for the way you are feeling. I think you should tell your mom that you have something important to talk to her about. Let her know that you have been feeling depressed again an that you have been harming yourself and that you have suicidal tendencies. Ask your mom if she will get you some professional help. Your parents love you and they don't want anything bad to happen to you.

They have so much to worry about and I know that the temporary relief that I feel isn't good at all. So I'm not doing that again. And I've been trying to find a way to tell my mom but last time this happened she was so mad at me...she won't understand.

I told my mom that I need help. She said ok. But I didn't tell her what I did.

Hello Jayden,
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, I can relate to you somehow, I self harmed a few times when I was a teenager but I felt awful afterwards and just quit it even though my depression and anxiety did not go away till this day. I suggest that you tell your mom about it so that you can seek professional help. The sooner, the better.
Cheers,

I'm 16 as well, and have been dealing with depression and anxiety for about a year now. It has gotten to points where I don't feel like there is any point in life and just want to hurt myself. My parents didn't and still don't fully understand what I'm going through and how it feels. I know how it feels to being not at the point of suicide, but still wanting to hurt myself. If you can, seek out professional help from a therapist, psychologist, counselor, it really does work wonders and even though I still have a long way to go, I feel I'm on the right path.

Here is the problem with suicide ... if you succeed .... there is no 'redo'. In LIFE there is always a redo ... none in death. DO NOT PLAY with death ... you might succeed. Self harm is like getting drunk to solve a problem. It does not work. IT DOES NOT WORK.

You minors who are depressed, suicidal, self harming, miserable, backs to the wall ... if you cannot reach out to parent(s) then tell a school teacher. YES .... that WILL cause some new problems ... that you don't presently have (add to the problems), but at least it won't KILL YOU.

The school will at least notify parent(s) and in SOME cases notify child protective services. These are the 'new' problems I am talking about .... but the help HAS to come to you, ... one way or another.

And ... don't conclude "its better to just not say anything". NO, IT IS NOT. You are anything from cutting yourself up to risking DEATH ... so bite the bullet, and let it out.

Hi Jayden, sorry that you are going through so much at this young age. Sorry about what has happened to your dad and how your parents responded and supressed everything. If talking to a counsellor or a therapist is possible, I urge you to make an appt to see them as soon as possible. You don't have to suffer alone. Members in this forum are very forthcoming with support and encouraging words. We might not be able understand how exactly you feel but you wouldn't feel alone here. Please also know that by sharing it here indicates your willingness to get healing too.

We are, however, may not be healthcare professional. So it might still be better for you to go see a professional for them to determine the root issues to your depression. From there, they might be able to coach you on how to cope whenever you are triggered. Hope this helps. Be well and take care. God bless!

Hi Jayden, Sounds like you have some pretty deep feelings right now--maybe identify them--like feeling rejected, betrayed, uncared for, unloved (though you are loveable), scared, angry. It is okay to feel our feelings, to validate them but it is so important that we don't act on them because our feelings change throughout the day so they are not reliable. Sounds like you want solutions to what is happening in your family. It is a horrible thing to experience the suicide attempt of a parent. That would be frightening for anyone. Is there a suicide survivor website you can read about how people are impacted by a family member attempting suicide? Might be helpful.

Also the most important thing for you right now is to remove the lie from your mind & heart and the negative feelings will then leave too. One lie is: your Mom and Dad don't care. That is not true. They do love you dearly but are struggling right now in their own emotions so they aren't able to express that love to you in the ways you may need it right now. Remove that lie from your mind that they don't love you and that negative feeling of rejection will also leave. Start looking for even the smallest acts or ways they have shown you love in the past and start saying to yourself outloud: "my parents really do love me" even if you don't "feel love" at the moment. The more you say the truth--"my parents do love me", the more you will feel it. Look for one thing you are thankful for about your Mom and one thing you are thankful for about your Dad. Write it down. If you can add more things you are thankful for--write them down. Say them outloud every day. The lie--my parents don't love me--will bring you down. The truth--my parents do love me--will bring you up and give you more hope.

Truth always brings encouragement. Lies always bring negative thoughts. Write down the lie--it can seem like the truth but it is fake--then right down the real truth. Don't believe the lie and don't base your thoughts on your negative feelings. The lie comes to our minds before the negative feeling hits us. The real truth always brings relief, hope, help, and encouragement. It is always positive and also encourages others around us.

Lots of times depression can be just our anger & hurt and feelings bottled up and turned against ourselves instead of us finding better ways to express our hurt and anger in healthy positive ways. There are many ways to express our feelings in positive ways--talking about them with the right people--like you are doing here to get some help and feedback from others, making up a song and singing them, drawing them, writing a story about them, helping someone else who is lonely or hurting, helping care for animals at a shelter, etc...One time I was so angry about something that I went and put up walls in the basement and pounded those nails with that hammer getting all my anger out by expressing it against those nails but it was something positive and I then had some extra rooms in the basement that I had built. Every time I went downstairs after that it felt good. It felt good that I was able to express my anger and let it out. It felt good that I had done something positive with my anger and it felt good that I had fixed up my basement.

We can choose to live by our feelings or live by the truth. Feelings are always changing & temporary. Though we can feel them and express them, our feelings should not be our king, ruler, dictator, and/or manager. We should not make our choices based on our feelings but based on facts--the true facts--those things that are positive and encouraging. So feelings are not what we should base our actions on. If we do the right actions, positive feelings will follow.
Lies always bring negative feelings so get rid of the lie and positive feelings will return.

Believe it or not-- bad music can also bring negative thoughts and feelings (this is scientifically proven) so I changed my music to good, positive words and good wholesome peaceful musical sound and it also changed my mood. One of my daughters only started cutting AFTER listening to negative music--negative lyrics and pounding beats. She stopped cutting AFTER she stopped listening to that kind of music.

One other thing--certain medications can actually cause suicidal dark thoughts and actions so make triple sure that if you or your Dad are on any medications at all that none of them have suicide as a side effect. Robin Williams was on 2 pysch drugs that had suicide as a side effect for both of those drugs. My 27 yr old daughter was given 5 medications that I didn't know about & they all had suicide as a side effect-she couldn't handle what these drugs were doing to her--she killed herself. My pain and heartache doesn't go away and I can tell you that SUICIDE is NEVER an answer or an option. LIFE is ALWAYS BETTER than death.

Have you told your Dad how much he means to you & that you can't stand the thought of him dying. That it scares you and you don't want him to die. Have you told him you want him to live--to be there when you graduate, to be there when you get married, to be there to see your grandchildren? Have you told him you need him in your life?

Maybe he is believing the same lies you have believed--that no-one really cares about him, that he is unimportant, that he isn't appreciated, etc...Tell your Dad the truth-- that you do love him and need him in your life (even though at 16 we don't always feel this way about our parents as we go through our teen years and chages towards adulthood). If you feel uncomfortable saying it directly to him, write it to him and give it to him to read on his own.

Stop hurting yourself. You are your own best friend, so be kind to you. Be kind to your best friend. Even if you may feel rejection, it doesn't mean you have to reject yourself. Don't act on your feelings and make your feelings your life. Feelings change all day. Get good sleep, fresh air, healthy food, keep up with the vitamins, and do some excersise or take a nice walk outside. Doing all these things alone can change how we feel from day to day too. You can be good to you. You are the only one of you--there are no clones, no exact copies of you. You are valuable and worth it. NO-ONE out of 7 billion people on the planet has your fingerprints, your personality, your talents and abilities. That means you are an irreplaceable unique one-of-a-kind person and that makes you so special and important! Life IS worth living!! No matter what.

Even if all your problems and heartaches haven't been solved yet. There is hope and there is help!! Keep reaching out, reaching up, and telling yourself the real truth which is only positive and uplifting. If it doesn't do that, then it isn't the truth. Once you start recognizing the lies and the negative thoughts that come with the lies, the easier it will be to get rid of the lies. And to get rid of the negative feelings.

Maybe even read my post to your Dad--it might encourage him too!! I am here for you!!
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P. S. Re-read all these posts daily from all the people who replied--to remind you about the helpful things shared with you. It is always nice to go back over them--kind of like re-reading a diary.

There have been times in my life that the emotional pain was so overwhelming and piercing that I could hardly breathe and wanted to end it all. I think most everyone in the planet has faced that ugly monster at least once in their lives. Fight it. Fight against those lies and negative feelings. You are worth it. Your life is important. You are important. That is why it is good to re-read all these posts to encourage you especially since there will be better days ahead just like the sun is always shining behind the darkest clouds--you might not see it yet but the sun is always there--just like you might not see or feel any hope right now but it is always there and there will be better days ahead!

Thank you all so much for your positive responses. It means a lot. I'm doing better and I think I'll be okay. I haven't self harmed again because I regret it so much and realized it was stupid just like a did a few years ago. I forgot it wouldn't help only make me feel worse. I'm not going to tell my mom about it though, she has too much to deal with and I don't think it's a problem if I don't do it again. I haven't had urges or anything. I'm getting help soon and this page is also helping me a lot. So thank you all so much. Please continue to respond. ❤