Please contact a shelter for abused women. If you have trouble talking to them, please print up what you have written here and either read it to them if you are on the phone, or hand it to them if you meet with them in person.

Here are some resources for suicide prevention:

USA: Hopeline (Suicide): 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
USA: Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-8255)
USA: Teen Covenant House Nineline: 1-800-999-9999
USA: SOS Teen Hotline: 1-800-355-0660

Here are some resources for domestic abuse:

USA: Nat'l. Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
USA: Safe Horizons Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-621-HOPE (4673)
UK: Women's Aid Domestic Violence Helpline: 0808 2000 247

Abuse is like depression: it gets into your head and starts to tell you lies. Lies that are designed to separate you from people who love you, and from resources that can help you find a better life.

Please, do not plead with your boyfriend. You do NOT need his permission to leave. You do NOT need his permission to talk to others. You do NOT need his permission to talk to your family.

If you have trouble knowing how to talk to people on these hotlines, tell them that a friend on your online support site urged you to make the call. Tell them that you have friends who are worried for you, and that you are so confused you don't know what to do.

Please, take care of you now.

Gentle hugs

Great reply pepperman. I just wrote you a long letter and lost it so as an old man I have now became to know that every minute is spent never to get back. He does NOT care about you in any form or way. You have to be the one that makes sure you are happy because he will surely not. Leave him now. Don't waste another moment with /and to him. Now this minute. Jim

I agree with the other two replies. I wasted years in your situation. There are people who can help you. Let them.
Just go, it will all be okay. Xxx

And please, do not let him know you are leaving. Just do it like SunnyJax says.

Yup to what everyone has said.

thanks guys. he actually doesn't live with me and he lives in another province. I know he would never physically abuse me . its emotional and mental avuse . I am not strong enough to stop talking to him but I want to b . I keeo expecting him to call back and apologize for the pain he put me through. I am a really good person and I don't deserve this. unfortunately the apps to block calls are not working with my phone. what should I do? I can't turn my phone off because I have to talk to friends I will see this week. any advice helps thank you so much

Just because he calls doesnt mean you have to answer the phone. If he is verbally abusive and he lives in another province why even bother? He is being nasty to you because he is a small little man with no self esteem and no sense how to treat others. Get away from him, do not take his calls, cut the cord so to speak. You do not need this type of crap in your life.

thanks ezzy. I understand but I feel it is not that easy. I want him to apologize to me and I feel he has a hold on me.

anyone?

....sorry that I can't help you except to say you "want him to apologize to" you? What good would that do? Please follow the excellent advice and get help for yourself. Focus on you and not him until you can see all this with a clear sense of purpose and through wise eyes....YOU said you're not strong enough...YOU, YOURSELF...negatives, fear, pain? It gets easier with help...it's good you're posting ~ you need more there, where you're at.

but I don't know how to get help for myself. I am too ashamed to ask for it he hurt me a lot . I don't want to live . I thought I could trust my best friend. I cannot trust anyone anymore.

Emotional and mental abusive is deeper than physical abuse. Physical abuse heals and you no longer see it. The emotional and mental abuse scares you internally, it weakens your mind, you capacity to associate with others. It changes how you trust, how you see others in addition to how you associate with others. You HAVE to be strong enough to not take his calls. You HAVE to allow and trust yourself to walk away from him. Talking to him, hearing his voice "getting his apology" will make you have a false sense of hope, a false sense of security and you will fall right back into it. Killing yourself is not only a way for you to "escape" its a way for you to hurt not only yourself permanently but your family. You have to think of it this way. If you don't have the strength to hold on for yourself right now, you have to do it for your family, your friends and anyone that cares about you. Hold onto the fact that you don't want others pained and that should help steer you away from it when it gets hard. Find a person that you feel would be changed in a negative manner if you did not exist and use them as a tool to get stronger. A boyfriend/friend/husband/wife/girlfriend... in reality any relationship can be replaced and a love that is healthy does exist, do not waste your time, your life or your self worth on those that do not rate or deserve it.
You want a sense of peace from him so that you do not feel like you were not loved; I understand that, by having him be sorry, you get a validation that it wasn't you. You don't need that. KNOW that it was him that was wrong, he was the one that hurt you and that you do NOT deserve it and you will NOT TOLERATE IT. Stand up for yourself... once he is gone the pain will start to go away, you will find more self worth in yourself and you will find that you deserve to be treated with respect. Do not allow anything less.

I think Pepper said it as well as anyone could and gave you great information. Don't forget we are here as well. Leaving is not easy but you are worth being healthy and happy. He needs serious help. Don't let him be your punching bag one more day, please!!! Extra Hugs. GB