Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Jane800 03/10/2020

I have been trying to move out of my mother's house, ever since I recovered memories of her abusing me as a child. Well, today, a roof salesman came by, I asked if she wanted to talk to him, and she said she did. (Our roof's been leaking like crazy, or I would have just said no.) He made his pitch, and somehow I let myself get roped into cosigning the loan. Now I'm liable for helping her make the monthly payments, to the tune of $500/month.

I know it's because of my codependant nature, but I am beginning to lose hope in myself. I feel like every time I try to get ahead, either something happens to block me or I shoot myself in the foot. I feel like the only way I'll ever get out of this house is by dying, and my life is never going to go anywhere because I just don't have what it takes. This came just after learning that hours are being cut at work, so I'll be down to $800/month for the forseeable future, and I doubt I have the mental and emotional fortitude for two jobs right now. These last few weeks have been very stressful, very hard, and I don't know if I can take anymore. Right now, I really want to die. While I'm going to just sleep on it, be patient, and see how it goes, does anyone else have any thoughts/suggestions?

Anna1212 03/10/2020

It's understandable that you co signed on the loan. You're living there and the roof is leaking. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself about that. Sounds like you are in a very tough place right now. And living with a mother who has abused you is so very stressful. I am in a similar situation with my mom, not exactly the same but let's just say it's not healthy that we are living together. You sure have a lot of on your plate and it sounds like you need help. Can you get any counselling to help you sort this out? Do you mind if I ask how old you are? You are really overwhelmed right now. It will take some time to work this out but you can do it with help and support.

WanderingVet 03/10/2020

Might want to show the contract to a lawyer. It MIGHT be invalid.

Jane800 03/10/2020

@WanderingVet I am curious, how would it be invalid? How would I go about it? Of course, I could apply for bankruptcy as soon as my student loans are paid, but that would hurt me financially.

@Anna1212 I am 33. Way too old to be living with my mother. But she has this way of undermining any attempts I make to be independent. I promised myself I wouldn't let her do it again, and I just broke that promise. I have friends at work, but there's only so much they can do. I can possibly get help through my school, but it's an online program situated on the other side of the globe from me, so the time difference would be a problem. I just don't know what to do anymore.

WanderingVet 03/10/2020

how would it be invalid?

Dunno. That's why I mentioned a lawyer. It might not be invalid, but you can hope it is. Have you ever been through a bankruptcy? I doubt that is or will be a solution. Check the yellow pages for a lawyer that will give you an opinion on the validity of the contract. The only problem with that is they WILL NOT give legal advice without a retainer fee. MAYBE LegalZoom online will offer advice/opinion. There is a chance a lawyer could spot an error in the contract making it invalid. Good luck.

Thor2008 03/11/2020

The contract might be cancellable. Generally, there is a three-day cooling-off period that you might be able to take advantage of. Read the contract and see if that is a part of consumer contracts in your state.

Jane800 03/11/2020

@Thor2008 There is, but how will I talk my mother into cancelling? Is it possible just to cancel my own part in it? If I'd put my foot down, I wouldn't be in this mess, that's what's so frustrating.

Thor2008 03/11/2020

No way to cancel your part. Either all or nothing. You will need to tell her to pay for all of it (it's her roof, not yours). I would canx the contract and get her to resign. Is she expecting you to pay?

invisablefriend 03/11/2020

You should be able to cancel the roof job if the work hasn’t started.
$500. monthly sounds like a lot for a roof repair.

Jane800 03/11/2020

Thank you for all the replies. Yes, there is a 3 day grace period, as I saw when I looked at the contract. Also, when I looked into national average, their price was WAY too steep. I did end up convincing my mother to cancel with help from the numbers and bad reviews on Yelp. Giving it a little bit of time and some outside perspective did help tremendously. Hopefully, I can also work out some sort of counseling through my school so things like this don't throw me of SO much. Also continuing to work on moving out.

Momof2kids 03/11/2020

I'm a little late to the game-so glad you were able to cancel the contract! Please don't beat yourself up too much-you have a good heart and you are trying to do the right thing by your mother. Have you considered sitting down and writing out your dreams, goals, ambitions? Dream Big! Then sort them in order of importance and focus on a plan to achieve the first one. I think once you start looking at the big picture and seeing that this living arrangement is temporary, it will help a lot. And....you always have us!

Anna1212 03/12/2020

congrats on all you accomplished. I agree with mom there above about seeing that the living situation is temporary. that might give you some mental relief. just take one day at a time and work toward what you want. 33 really isn't that old. I know other people that age who have been living at home and then worked their way to independence. good luck and, yea, you always have us to chat with.

Jane800 03/14/2020

Thanks for the congrats! I am trying to take it a day at a time, and build the life I want. But it's become more difficult because my hours keep getting cut down at work because of the coronavirus panic. I just lost over half my shift today alone. I can no longer even think about moving out, and my boss says no-one is hiring. I can't even get a second job. Every time things seem to be looking up, something else happens to make it even more hopeless. Maybe it's a good time to look into starting my own business, but that will take time to learn about taxes.

WanderingVet 03/14/2020

very glad you were able to cancel.

Flashreturns 03/15/2020

Just as a preventive measure perhaps talk to a lawyer to avoid these issues in future.

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