to add to my misery- matt called once again and said that he has nothing to live for- gonna kill himself- blah blah blah - doesn't know what to do- i'm the only one who is there for him and so i tried to play dr phil for him- or rather dr brandi and i told him- ok Matt, this is not totally ur fault - cause maybe the docs need to talk to u more and put u on more or different meds- and then i told him look - i'm not with you- but i do love u- and he says he is scared for me to find out if i'm pregnant or not cause if im not he has nothing and nobody to live for- ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! who wants to pull my hair out for me! any takers? anyways i once again- lets make this 3 times in 2 days had to talk him out of suicide- i honestly believe he will attempt it tonight or tomorrow and i'm gonna try to get in touch with his family and friends that live around him- seeing as i'm 4 hours away and can't really get there at the moment... though maybe thats a good thing- i don't know whatelse to tell this man- i love him and no matter how bad he treated me- i will always be there if and when he needs emotional support- so i'm stressed to the max and i'm a horrible slut all in one day - why me lord why!
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