So...this past month has been rough. My mom is out of the hospital and doing well thankfully, and my poor pup who broke his leg is now healed...but emotionally I feel completely fucked up.
I have been trying to see a psychotherapist who has been completely flakey and keeps mixing up my appointments...and I stole my moms xanax prescription and have been popping them like skittles.
In the midst of all of this I went on a date...I met him on match.com. He seemed to be really awesome and understanding. Of course, I opened up to him WAY too much. Told him about my ex and what I had been going thorugh....there was something comforting about him and he told me that it was refreshing to meet someone who could be so open and honest about their experiences.
So we had our first date, had a great connection...but mind you, A LOT of drinking was involved. I definitely found him attractive, but I didn't really become aware of his other traits that I wasn't so into..like his sarcasm, sense of style...etc.
We had a great first date, he invited me back to his place, and we ALMOST slept together. Almost.
I was the one who wanted to sleep with him. And he adamantly said no. He was the one who said it was a bad idea, but he invited me to a fourth of July party with all of his friends RIGHT AWAY.
The next day, he apologized for inviting me over to his place after the bar and inviting me to the party right away because he didnt want to move things too quickly...so he basically rescinded his invitation.

Of course, the day of the party, he calls me drunk, asking me to come. Which totally confused me. I told him that we should continue to take things slow and that I would see him tomorrow.
The next day we went to the beach and had a good time...we seemed to connect in the beginning of the date but toward the end of the date I couldn't get over how much he talked and talked and talked about himself and his really bad eating habits and just certain other quirks.

In a later conversation that followed he told me that he started developing feelings for me, he felt I was someone he could see himself being with in the future, he told me that I could tell him anything, that he loved our conversations....but that he also knew I came from a painful past relationship and that he now suddenly felt he had this responsibility to "protect me" and "save me" and "help me heal."
I told him that he needs to focus on himself and that I am the only person who can help myself heal......and if he sees this as a red flag, he should pay attention to it and do what is best for him. I told him I cared for him and thought he was a great person but that if he chose to no longer see me again, then that would be it. So we kind of ended things....and I ended the night offering to be friends.
The next day, he responds and starts texting me about having a "casual relationship..."....in my mind I assumed we would just be going back to square one and enjoying dating each other without complicated depressing "ex" conversations or thinking too much.
I saw him that night and...guess what? We slept together. The first thing he did was sleep with me. And of course I gave in..but he didnt seem to hesitate at all.

I didn't hear from him for like, three days after that. I offered to see him over the weekend and he said he was busy.
I got kind of...confused at that point and then texted him yesterday saying...hey I'm a little confused. Are we just friend with benefits now?
And he was like, I thought we made it clear what we were doing. Having a "casual" relationship where we are seeing other people. I don't think its a big deal that I didn't contact you for a few days.
And I was like, so....are we just going to have sex now and not talk for periods of time?
And he said something around the lines of...well I figured a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship would never be in the cards for us anyway so we have a casual relationship now.
And then I got really pissed off and replied with something like....so what is your plan? To have sex with me and waste my time until you find the girl you're looking for? If you knew from the beginning you didnt think this would lead to anything (despite of course telling me otherwise) then why are you even seeing me?
And following that, he just said...you're too emotionally intense for me, I can't do this anymore.
I tried for about an hour to apologize to him...I asked him to call me, I told him that I shouldnt have been so open and brought it up and I should have given him space. I was just confused about what this whole casual relationship thing was going to lead to or what the purpose of it was. And he just kept saying that he didnt want to talk to me anymore, he didn't even want to be friends. I suggested...lets just grab a drink tomorrow and cool off and not think about these things and just calm down and try to enjoy ourselves.
By then he basically just told me to stop talking to him.

And the next morning, of course, I see him looking through my match.com profile (It shows if someone has viewed your profile).
Why would he do that when he basically told me to leave him alone and never speak to him again????
Its just hurtful.

I know I shouldnt have been as open with him. I should have given him space...I shouldnt have mentioned sleeping together. But I was confused. I mean, I didnt want to feel like he was going to use me as a stepping stone.........I feel like my same kind of openness with this recent guy is what threw my ex away. It was too much emotional honesty...it was too much questioning of EVERYTHING. What do I do now?

I'm taking a lot of xanax these days and it doesnt seem to be helping. All I want to do is be open with people and pour my heart out to them but I know that it NEVER works in my favor and it pushes people away. I hate "the game". I hate trying to define what "casual relationships" are.
What do I do??????