No ones winning buddy. Its not a game.

What are you doing for yourself? Besides take pills. I mean actually doing something for you that helps you?

Diet and exercise? Those are a huge help for you to feel good. Hobby..... Bowling or joining some social group.

Church..... ? Something where you meet people and find some form of enjoyment.

Never lose hope. I know it is easier said than done.
Some days are horrible. it just happens and we can't find a reason for it. I also have this frequent mood swings. What I do usually is sleep when my mind is troubling me.
Find something that works for you. But never sit idle. It is not going to help you in any way.
I hope you are feeling alright now.

I agree a bit with Seamus. we obviously don't know what you do with your life but go out of your comfort zone, challenge yourself a bit. Push yourself to the limit, I mean shoot you already seem to be okay with an end so just go for a new beginning. Go join a community service group or volunteer at a care home, lose yourself in the service of others. Go out and feel things. Cry in front of a stranger. Yell. Fart. Do it and you will be surprised. Love You Don. Just live.

You got to look at what you define as a win and what you define as a lose. Years ago in teaching I was anxious to get a lot of stuff done and got very angry when kids misbehaved. Result-I had lots of bad days. I changed myself. Became more realistic . Focused on keeping myself calm. This might sound harsh-life and people are always difficult-its us who have to change. Change our expectations.

Hey Don,
I hate funks. they are so dark and cloudy. It
makes you feel so irritable- Yes!
What if I told you there is nothing wrong with you when you feel this way?
If we just wanted to just tell you this-If we just wanted to just tell you this
Had a million bucks just between our lips would you L....i.......s......t........e........n?

Hey listen- there is a little trick I do-and I will share it with you.You said
in your post that "You win Universe, You win".
It is the Universe that is responsible for Life, the creation of it Yes. Soooo
let me ask you ."Do you appreciate this GIFT called life?
No No No you dont have minutes to think of your answer Yes? or No
Yes or No. If you walk in the hospital to the Cancer Ward- the
doctor just gave someone a cancer diagnosis- they have 6 months-
Do you appreciate your life now? It isnt you in that hospital bed.
You are in the Mountains ( switching the scenario here) going on vacation
maybe to meet up with a friend or two- It is winter- a freak snow storm hits,
you careen out of control your vehicle halfway on a cliff-Would you want
safety then and wish you were in a safe place then- the safe place where
you are Now- but you see your Perception , your ego does not want you to
know that Hey I AM OKAY- .I have heard people like Simpsons Ok state
that Depression wants you to Operate on a Low Energy wants you to feed
into Negativity and keep you there.

To Pop A Pill
I am not knocking this. But you have to do the Work. I told you before-if
you ignore you get sucked into a Vicious cycle.

To Uncover the root/ Cause of our Negative Energy:
Is to take the cover off of the Bottle called Emotions.You have to Dig Dig Dig.
You just need the Shovel.

The Shovel:
Many folks have different kinds of Shovels- I personally dont think for me
a Pill is a shovel.Quantum Healing worked for me-. ( This HEALINGS law
is simply this:
SO WITHIN SO WITHOUT.
You are what your negative past experiences are- you see the world through
this. If you dig you can Uproot all negative experiences,acknowledge,
bring your inner child into existence now and nurture, protect, and then
release the experiences into the Universe,

Backtrack:
Soooo let us now back track to your statement The Universe wins.
Yes and the Universe' most powerful Energy that is its default is Love.
Love always wins. We do not see this in this world because of our.......................
Perception.(which is based in each of our minds from our life experiences.)

Backtrack:
Let me ask you again- and you dont have to post a public answer- no
this is for You and your personal Most profound relationship that you will
ever have in life ( with yourself).
Do you appreciate your life???????????????????????????
If you are experiencing Negative energy as you described in your above post
and at the same time claim Yes I do appreciate life-How can it be both
at the same time? How can you love life- be in love with love.( I love the
Energy called Love- This is Loving "love".
You simply cannot say Oh i appreciate my life, I am thankful that I can walk
and breathe, I can laugh and cry- but in the same moment want to throw
it away.

Seamus and Flash Returns:
Both Angelic Voices.Both .Listen closely please take heed.
Negative Energy can strike up and Ego and Depression can take command
from NEGATIVE energy in our environment alone-this can cause your Energy
to fall to low low low levels and you feel like s----h-----(like crap).

Yesterday.
Sooo yesterday- I woke up wanting to Go Go Go- (mentally wanting to
get on with my day- but mentally my Energy was on LOW low low.
I needed to Boost it.

Know your Body,Your Mind,Your Energy
I worked out - got my boost- and headed out the door.

The Mind Muscle:
Our minds operate like a muscle too.If you have been drenched throughout the years with negative responses,actions or experiences, your brain starts
to learn to live and function off of these Negative peptides being fed into
the brain. The neurons, the brain actually becomes addicted to these negative peptides and starts CALLING out for the negative peptides(like
a boiler that has an automatic feed calls for water).
Soooooo- this means we have to learn to face, dig up, and release the
past experiences with your shovel of choice and then Restock your brain
with healthy loving, supportive healing positive peptides.

You are certainly worth taking the time to uncover your own roots and
do the necessary healing. It is healing.

Your perception:
Let us revisit your post. You said the Universe wins. My friend the Universe loves you and together you both win. Let me explain. If i just wanted to just
tell you this -had a million dollars in between my lips-Could you l...i....s....t...e.....n?
Every Negative Emotion that You experience, every traumatic Experience
is not being done TO you it is being done FOR FOR FOR FOR you.
The Universe will Allow you to experience all things so it can Expose areas
within you that need to be dealt with, corrected,tuned up,or sometimes
areas that have to be eradicated.The Universe loves you to do this FOR you.
Painful emotions make you feel emotional pain- yes it is designed
in this brilliant fashion and you will either respond either by suppressing
or facing it and actively doing the necessary work to free yourself (by releasing negative emotions and traumatic past experiences daily from
your Inner and replace with supportive nurturing healing energies.

Make the best Choice;
If you do
not your life turns into as you described a vicious cycle
where you always end up back in the dugout.

Just Do It Because You Are Worth It.

The End
Hugs
Oshe : )

No Don "they" don't win. But you lose. You're NOT DONE (if for nothing else) for one very good reason. That boy of yours. Take this bad afternoon/evening or day for what it is. Recognise depression. You're down but you'll be back up and you know this.
Please take care friend. And make that appointment if you haven't already. Yes, I'm going to nag you!

hello Don,
im, just like you in a sense we are in the same leaking boat in shark infested waters. i kind of understand why your in this boat with me. since this is a new thing for you and depression just came out of the blue, considering your age and gender, you have MID LIFE, All most all dudes get it , its like you are not happy the way life turned out, you dont feel the youth you once had and your entering a new stage in your life. just dont do something crazy to prove your still a kid, and ride it out things get better, when you except who you are now, you have a family take care of them , be cool, youll be ok ,, GOOD LUCK, ,,,, Annie

Hi Don, I hope you feel better today. I'm sorry you feel that the entire universe is attempting to snuff you out. But in case you missed, the universe is a quite large in comparison to you or me. Our galaxy is but a mere speck in the vast universe! YET you are still standing & still fighting! It's a miracle that any of us are here at all! This must mean that what is in you & I is much bigger and stronger than what is out there fighting against you.

I know what you mean because i've been there too many times. One of those days, I found these words which really comforted me: "We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed." It tells me that we are able to withstand all the nastiness the forces of the universe unleashes against us because God is with us and He is for us. :)

Hang in there, Don. It's too soon to toss in the towel. We're in your corner, cheering for you!

Thanks everyone. I have bad mood swings. I can go from happy to miserable in an instant. Well happy as I can be. I went to a giants game a few weeks ago and had a good time. Didn’t make it up the stairs to my room before I started feeling like garbage. I’m still learning how to cope with things. I know it’s going to get worse before it gets better. I just have to put myself first and deal with all that comes with it