Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
like genuinely I don't recognize myself in the mirror, pardon my english, I speak spanish, I try. I see myself in photos and I dont think that's me, I look myself in the mirror and its like other person, this been going on for a while now and im sick of it because I cant even hate myself comfortable, you know? haha I can't yell at me in the mirror or have a heart to heart talk looking at myself and asking why the hell am i so depressed because it is like I'm talking to someone that I dont even know, and I feel like a woman, and I am a woman, so it's nothing like that, I think I'm ok, I'm skinny and that shit, just... I dont know who she is.
I think i have a drinking problema too? think.. when I drink I cant stop, then I say or do something stupid or have blackouts, and I hate myself for it, that sentiment lingers for 2 weeks or so, I even carry regretes for things that I've done drunk for years now, for 2 years or something.
I try, I really try, I exercise, you know like every 2 weeks, three days in a row hahaha but I try. I paint, I read self-help books, I took antidepressants for 9 months, i took coaching. NOTHING FUCKING WORKS, I'M SICK OF IT, I FUCKING HATE MAYSELF AND I DONT KNOW WHY. hahaha something funny about this forum, everybody rant about their problems and how they feel and you joined beacuse you want to express yourself but, does anybody do it to say that there is a way to come out of a depression? that happiness is a thing? I dont know hahaha sorry for what you just read, I am sure you have better things to do haha if you been through something like this let me know that everything is going to be ok and that I've dont have some kind of disorder that needs medication for life.
Once, I was where you are now. I tried to fill the hole inside of me and the hatred of myself with anything that came along - drugs alcohol, sex, sleep.... I always knew in the back of my mind that there was only one thing that could fill that emptiness inside of me. Do you have that feeling too? Do you have a feeling that you know what it is, - the only thing that will fill the emptiness?
1. not recognising self in mirror: If you mean that literally, and not figuratively, it's a neurological disorder. If it's figurative then yeah, catching up to yourself. It happens to me sometimes.
2. drinkin. sure you do have a problem. time to quit. The cringe factor is not worth it.
3. 2 yrs is nothing. I cringe over things I did 20 yrs ago. :D What I have to remember to do (and I often don't remember) is to stop when they happen and attend to them properly. If you attend to it properly, rather than just have the vague memory, flitting past, as you run and hide from the crushing shame - if you actually stop and attend to it and hear it, you realise it just wasn't that bad. Alcohol does this to us. It's why I don't drink. We think what we did was SOOOO bad that we realy can't even face thinking about it. But stop and think a bout all the dumb things your mates do when drunk. And yeah quit drinkin.
You are going to be fine. I'm nearly perfect myself. lol. Getting there anyway. Back into normal zone, I think, mostly, from a very low place a few years ago.
I think getting mentally well is like homework you do at a stage of your life when the pressure is high enough. you stop, you do the work, you face the stuff, and you get it behind you and learn frmo it, and then the rest of your life is yours to do with as you like. Until this time, until this pressure point, you're just running to stand still. So you see I don't see depression and anxiety (and I had major depressive disorder together with generalised anxiety disorder very badly fora while) as negative. I see them as growth, as positive. As the pupation stage turning from a greebly caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly.
It's a metamorphosis and of course it's hateful. It's awful. Your guts are turning to liquid.