Hello everyone. It has been a while since I've been on here I don't remember exactly where i left of from the last time I was on here. I have with in the last 7 or 8 months of being back in california landing a job, sot out a therapist and removed myself from a toxic environment that could have possibly sent me over the edge. I am single and waiting to for my ex boyfriend so we can start our life again. I have moved in with one of my best friends who I am now learning that it is just as hard living with him. Ok so i think everything should be up to date now.

Things that have happen with in the last month:

My best friend/ roommate tested positive for covid so I had to go on emergency leave of absence from work to ensure my other coworkers safety. I stayed home for two weeks stuck in the house wiuth my lunitac best friend. It was nice but not. I enjoyed being able to cook and clean and have free time to paint and draw but it became very tiresome and i got bored very easily. What i did not enjoy is my best friend not understand my point of view on things and allowing situations to escalte even more then what they were. He sometimes wouldnt consider my feelings and would expect me to act or think like him so it would frustrate me when he would tell me that i shouldnt have let it get to that point and that i need to let it go. Something that i have and am still working on is the fact that I cannot control everything. I can't control someones action or correct them or the situation but i can correct myself and pick and choose my battles what i allow to bother me. 

Things that happen with in this week:

This week is my birthday week. Yess i said birthday week. It started off terrible. I had an verbally abusive altercation with a person i was involved with and it quickly turn into a very toxic situation that i still am kind of terrified by. The guy came over top hang out for the weekend and he decided that it was ok to look through my phone without asking. Mind you allk i have nothing to hide in my phone or in my personal life i am pretty open and honest about everything. Before i got involved with thre guy i told him that i was best friends with my ex boyfriend and that we still talk. Well the guy went through my messages with ex and told me that he didnt want to continue being involved with me and he then told me that i should tell my ex i am cheating on him. The situation only escalted after i had asked him what makes it ok for him to think that it was cool going through my phone. He procceeded to deflect the question and told me that i was a disgusting person he said that he wanted to be in a relationship with me but not anymore because he felt that i would choose my ex over him which right now is true. He then continue to insult me i blocked him and he contiued to find ways to terrorize me called me messaged me from varios social media accounts and even made new numbers to text me from. He told me that i was a bitch, a hoe, every name you can think of. Insulting me over and over again. I told him that i will continue to be friends with him just so he can leave me alone. Well he called me today at work. 

Today is my birthday and im not to sure how happy I am. I am both excited and sadden because im 22 its my birthday but sad because my sister is not here to see another year and i wish that she was. I envy myself because im alive and breathing walking this earth and she is not. I am having alot of mixed feeling. Uncertainty. happy. sad. angry.