Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I have been going home most days lately in a bad mood and mopey. I can see the effect it has on my boyfriend. Being around someone who is sad really sucks. Surely he'd rather be with someone who is happy and active and young and beautiful and and and...I lay in bed and think about the people who have left me over the past few years because of my illness. The general consensus is that the world revolves around me, I'm selfish, and I'm a drag. The most recent one said she'd been blowing me off for lunch plans because who would want to have lunch with me? That really hurt. It never occurred to me that that was why. I thought it was her own personal issues. It was a slap in the face alright. And then I thought about the others. And I'm thinking yeah...they're right.
So I've quit talking to those closest to me about my sorrow (except for my mom). I don't talk to my boyfriend about any of it. He has his own traumatic past and struggles with that. Talk therapy has brought me no relief and there has been no success with drug therapy.
I removed all my social media feeds that were causing me emotional distress. If I feel a negative feeling from something I see I remove it. That has helped a little.
I'm worried about myself. I even feel guilty for that....but I can't stop thinking about how good it would feel to not be in emotional pain anymore. I only see one way to accomplish that and that's what scares me.
I am so glad you shared this. I get this way too that I think those thoughts that scare me.
Here's what I can tel you. You are a beautiful person, made with intent, for a purpose. You are worthy of love and especially life.
Hang in there. We will celebrate every victory with you!
What helps me is coming here to journal. Also trying to support other people is good. It takes your mind off of your own problems.
I am trying medication. It's still fairly new but I'm hoping for more benefit.... I have had success with therapy in the past. I'm on a waiting list right now to get in to see someone. Even if it hasn't helped you in the past you should consider it. A different therapist might make a big difference.
I saw my psychiatrist recently and talked with him about my anxiety. We're trying a new med for that. It's been too soon to tell. All the depression meds I've tried are either ineffective or have unacceptable side effects.
I do hope you share your suicidal thoughts with your therapist; that one can sneak up on you when you least expect it. Don't give it a foothold.
You've probably heard this before, but it helps me....spend as much time as you can doing the things that make you happy, the things you love to do, regardless of what anyone else thinks, and regardless of what you think (I'm often my own worst judge, and I have to shut myself up a lot). I love doing jigsaw puzzles even though when I evaluate it, what a waste of time! But I give myself permission do to it, and I don't judge myself for it. I just finished a 3000 piece puzzle. Can't wait to start another! What do you love to do? What makes you happy?
I'm trying to quit drinking. Actually we both are. The kid asked us to. It's a pretty big motivator. We've tried before but failed within a week. I'm sleeping much better and not as anxious and I'm not ruminating as much.
As far as doing things I like...I just like to be outdoors. I like to go camping and sit by a fire. Backpacking and that sort of thing. I have chickens and I love hanging out with them too. I don't feel guilty about doing these things but I do have problems with motivation even though I enjoy it. That's my depression I guess. I feel lazy.
Anyway. I have appointment with my therapist here in about 15 minutes for the first time in a few weeks.
It has been a pretty decent weekend. I went with my boyfriends family to Canyonlands in Moab Utah. It was just a Chevy Chase type of trip. Drive up, get out, look. Go to the next spot, rinse and repeat. Not how I’d do it if it was my choice but you don’t always get your way (unless you’re my boyfriends sister).
I’m home alone now and out of coffee and I’m trying to get motivated to get dressed and go to the store. Actually wondering if I could get away with going in my pajamas. lol.
So. We’ve made it two weeks without alcohol. He’s lost 12 pounds. Unfortunately I haven’t. Why do guys lose weight so easily? I’m sleeping well still. Still fuss about things when I lay down at night but it doesn’t keep me up all night like it used to when I was drinking.
I’m enjoying watching the chickens this morning too. It’s a pretty sunny day and they’re really entertaining.
I hope you’re having a good day too and get to put your fireplace to use ! I know I will have a fire tonight! It has been chilly here in CO. When I camp here it’s mostly mosquitos and flys that bother. Depends on where you go though. Ticks are rare and no chiggars. So it’s pretty enjoyable!
Might be helpful and worth listening along with.